Have you ever heard the quote, "Nice Guys Finish Last"? Do you ever wonder why people believe this?
Is it just me, or did it ever perplex anyone else that in Fresh Prince, Will Smith got all the girls while Carlton Banks was resigned to constant rejection and awkward jive dances? Especially since, on paper, Carlton is ideal. He's rich, educated and comes from a good family.
I decided to do a little research on this "nice guy" predicament and figure out why they just can't seem to finish first. First and foremost, it's important to differentiate the "nice guy" from the "good guy". In my opinion, they are not the same. A "good guy" has all of the desirable qualities of a "nice guy" and all of the gumption of a "bad boy." Just add a dash integrity and southern charm and there you have it!
On my quest to figure out the "nice guy" dilema, I asked a few girls around campus why they think nice guys finish last. To my surprise, I was met with much more disdain for the quentessencial "nice guy" than I expected. I'll admit, a small part of me expected to discover some sort of opposition to this idea of the "Socially Inhibited Nice Guy". There was none to be found. All of the girls I questioned agreed on one thing: "Bad boys" are hot.
If you've ever wondered why women like "bad boys", here it is: we actually don't. We like men who are brave enough not to muddle through life. We like men who know what they want and aren't afraid to do what it takes to get it. It just so happens that "bad boys" are more comfortable being assertive and taking risks. That's not to say that that's what all women want, but I'll just let you do the math.
For many women, a "nice guy" can be boiled down to three things:
By no means is this true, but with ideas like that floating around, no wonder nice guys finish last!
Here's the Problem: A "Nice Guy" is content to listen to a girl cry, vent and whine for hours...and hours...and hours...And then wonder why the girl doesn't see him as dating material. Do you see what's wrong with that picture? We have girlfriends for situations like this! If you can easily be replaced by a girl, don't wonder why girls won't date you...just go ahead and slap yourself!
"Nice guys" finish last because they're too scared to shake things up and do what it takes to finish first. In a sense, they're their own worst enemy. Girls don't dream of Prince Charming jumping on his noble steed and then being awkwardly pleasant enough to convert pity into attraction. No. Prince Charming jumps on his noble steed and travels through the menacing wilderness to rescue his princess and ask for what he wants.
Look guys, the problem has nothing to do with the fact that you're shy. We know it's not easy. The problem is that you let something that you desperately want linger right before your eyes and don't take hold of it because it's not "safe." Author Mark Twain describes courage as "...resistance to fear, mastery of fear, [but] not the absence of fear." To be courageous is to believe that there is something more valuable than the fear it brings. Who doesn't want to be considered that valuable?
Yes, rejection does happen. She just might not be interested. That's OK. I'm sure there are girls you're not interested in either. You just get back up and move forward. We understand that guy's ego's are fragile. A smart girl will respect that. However, risk really can bring reward.
In conclusion, "nice guys", you're fantastic! We really appreciate that there are men out there who still believe in respecting women and treating them right. So get out there and don't be afraid to ask for what you want! There are plenty of women who are waiting for a great guy to sweep them off their feet. They want to start a fun and exciting journey with you...Not a just "nice" journey. So, grab life by the horns and enjoy the ride!