Ladies (and hopefully gents), whether you are freshly getting out of a relationship, or have been living the single life for some time now, know that nearly all of us go through the same motions. We each hope to eventually find someone that actually “gets us,” but feel that sting of anxiety when we fear it may never happen. We all feel that lonely little itch for attention and affection late at night. In many ways, being single is hard. But we must remember, we are only young once… this is the time in our lives to try out fun, exciting, casual dating! You know, before we end up married to one person for the rest of our lives (ideally). While dating can be really great, it can also be a little tricky. This is why I’ve come up with the 7 most essential tips to remember when planning on jumping into the field:
1. Don’t be friends with your ex
If you don’t take any of my advice, please consider this one. Ex’s can’t be friends. This is a rule, and if you happen to be best buddies with your ex without complications, you are an exception to the rule. This one can definitely be especially challenging to say the least, because sometimes love seems to be blinding. You’re able to convince yourself they are your best friend because you don’t want to let them go, but the reality of the situation is, one of you probably still has feelings. Things will get out of hand when one of you two starts to date someone new… trust me on this. Or even worse, you’ll hold yourself back from potential dates in fear of a new person interfering with the time you spend with your “best friend”. It’s a nasty little spider web you get stuck in. If anything, at least distance yourself from them for an extended period of time to give yourself some time to heal.
2. Learn to love yourself!
Being single is a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. Don’t be afraid to spend some time alone. This involves trying new things, getting into new hobbies, traveling, meeting new friends. Most importantly, this is a time to establish goals. Asking yourself things like, “what am I passionate about?” or “what kind of person do I want to be?” Then, follow through with these goals. There really is nothing more electrifying than making yourself proud. Spend some time admiring how you look in the mirror, and consider all the things you like about yourself. All these things enhance your confidence, which for one thing is extremely attractive. Confidence also gives you peace of mind; it won’t matter that some silly boy (or girl) doesn’t like you, because you like you!
3. Put yourself out there
Truthfully this is the only real way to meet people, because the odds of someone just stumbling into your life are slim. Join school clubs, even if you don’t know anybody. Strike up conversations with people you meet in classes. Go out to events, clubs, bars, wherever.
While it all seems scary, it’s all actually very exciting and fun in the end. The experience is well worth it!
4. Don’t be afraid to use dating apps
Hello, this is the 21st century! Dating apps can actually be a really fun way to meet a fling. Especially in college, when you know everyone you meet lives in the same area, and goes to the same school. Of course, while meeting in person can be a little awkward at first, it becomes comfortable pretty quickly when you realize you’ve already been chatting through the app. And really, all first dates are awkward, who are we kidding? I’m not saying you won’t come across your fair share of Joe Shmo weirdos, because you will, but it’s all apart of the hilarious and exhilarating experience that is online dating. C’mon, you have to try it at least once.
5. Always have your guard up
When casually dating, it is important to keep your guard up. Don’t assume that every guy you start talking to will become your boyfriend. Don’t allow anyone the power to lead you on, use you, and hurt you in the end. When starting to “talk” to someone new, remember that most guys have one thing on their mind, and some will say anything to get what they want out of you. If all you want out of the fling is casual sex, then there is nothing wrong with jumping right into it. However, be careful in a casual fling. It is easy catch feeling when having sex with someone very consistently. If the relationship starts as a fling, it’ll probably end as a fling, and if you catch feeling you either need to talk it out or end it and move on.
6. Know when he’s just not that into you
When you start to “talk” to someone, it is great to get the attention and affection you’ve been craving. But all too often, somewhere along the lines (to no fault of your own, girl!) he loses interest for one reason or another. Maybe he got what he wanted out of you, maybe another girl came along, maybe he just has a short attention span. What a tool. At this point, all the snapchats you used to receive will start to decrease, he’ll start asking you to hang out less and less. Pretty soon, he’ll stop responding to your text messages. When this happens, do yourself a favor ladies and move on, because he’s just not that into you anymore. It’ll be tempting to keep it lingering on for a bit longer because you had a good thing going, and you may not have a backup beau, but letting go is absolutely the best resolution. But make sure to resist the late night booty call!
7. There’s plenty of fish in the sea
While completely cheesy, this old saying is all too true at a University full of hot surfers. For every one F-boy, there are five good looking intellectuals walking around campus, waiting to meet you! Recall your ex: Was he that funny? Probably not. Was he that interesting? Eh. Don’t worry, you are young and there’s no reason you need to settle for one guy’s flaming pile of horse… poop.
Overall, always remember to put yourself first! When making dating decisions, always go with your instincts. If your being cheated, played, or disrespected, you’ll know! Have the strength to move on to the next one. Because that is what being young and single is all about. Go out there, test all possible options and have the time of your life. You got this!