We’ve all been there: it’s 2 AM and you’re still arguing, but it doesn’t feel like you’re getting anywhere. Here are the tips and tricks we learned the hard way for getting him to really hear you.
DON’T put words into his mouth!
More often than not, arguments stem from misunderstandings. Don’t invent your own reasons for why he did what he did. It’ll just get in the way of solving the issue at hand.
DO open up, but DON’T play the blame game.
There’s nothing wrong with needing to vent after a bad day, but don’t make your partner guess what’s wrong—it’s more frustrating for the both of you! Talk about why you’re upset without placing any blame; he’s likely to be more understanding when he doesn’t feel accused.
DON’T question whether or not they care.
This is a cheap shot, but we’ve all been guilty of it. Saying things like, “If you cared about me at all, you wouldn’t have done that” are definite fighting words. It will hurt him that you questioned his love, which will only make him more likely to retaliate with anger.
DO listen!
Sometimes when you’re arguing, you’re so eager to get your point across you forget to listen to what your partner is saying. Your whole fight could be a simple miscommunication, but you won’t know until you stop talking and start listening!
DON’T bring up old fights.
Issues that you’ve already resolved should be put to rest. Don’t constantly throw old problems in his face, because there’s nothing he can do about them now! Focus on working through what’s going on now, and forget about what happened in the past.
DO forgive.
There’s no point in dragging out an argument once you’ve said all there is to say. Listen to your partner and try to forgive. It’ll feel so much better resolving the argument then and there than dragging it out to the next day.
In the end, the best relationships rely on trust and communication. We all have arguments, but learning to deal with your issues in a healthy way will make your bond stronger. Relationships can be hard, but what matters is that you love each other. Don’t let one bad day get in the way of that!
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