Recognizing red flags in a relationship is important for your well-being and can help you avoid disastrous, emotional consequences. This article is not an exhaustive list, but these situations are quite common in romantic relationships. Being able to recognize unhealthy patterns is useful for understanding past, present, and future relationships.
Here are some subtle and not-so-subtle behavioral patterns that can lead to a toxic and destructive relationship.
They fail to support your goals.
“Goals” encompasses short-term or long-term goals that you want to accomplish. If your partner actively discourages you from taking advantage of opportunities that will improve your well-being or enhance your life, because it could cause a strain in your relationship, it shows that they are not secure in themselves or in the relationship. This can lead to serious trust issues in the future.
Example: you’ve been contemplating studying abroad for a while now, and you bring it up to your partner. You talk about your plans to study abroad with excitement, but your partner expresses concern since it means that you two won’t be able to be together for a few months. Then, they take it another level and try to convince you to not study abroad. Because of your partner’s lack of support, you seriously question your decision to go abroad, even though it has been on your college bucket list for some time.
They make you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself over the relationship.
On a related note, this is similar to being unsupportive of your aspirations. However, this relationship norm is manifested in daily activities and smaller scale things.
Example: you’re overwhelmed with stress at work and school and want some alone time, so you cancel dinner plans with your partner (respectfully) to get some time for yourself. As an introvert, I can see myself doing this. However, your partner reacts poorly and throws an emotional tantrum, which makes you feel guilty for canceling plans. It is OK for your partner to be sad that you changed plans, but it is NOT OK for partner to guilt trip you into hanging out with them instead of taking time for yourself.
Image source: Pexels
You frequently flake on friends to hang out with your partner.
Dropping your friends after getting into a relationship is not cool. Spending too much time with your S.O. can lead to codependency and set an unhealthy precedent for the expectations you guys have for each other. Not to mention, when you guys break up, what friends can you turn to for emotional support if you drop them after getting a BF or GF?
Every little argument becomes Battle Royale.
Does every small disagreement turn into a huge argument that lasts for hours or even days? If so, this is an indication that you two may not be compatible for each other.
Your decisions become their decisions.
If you have the need to consult your partner and ask for permission to go out to a party at night or make weekend trips with your friends (without your partner), then this is a sign that your partner may have too much control over your decisions. Remember, you are an autonomous human being — you can make your own decisions!
Although I have not personally experienced any of these patterns in my past romantic relationships, I have seen lots of examples of these toxic habits in other people’s relationships. These patterns are also evident in our dating culture — it is important to deconstruct societal “norms” in order to promote healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Cover image source: Pixabay