“It’s 5 o’clock in the morning, conversation got boring, you said you’re going to bed soon, so I ran off to your bedroom….”
Scratch that. It’s 3:04 in the morning and I just woke up in a mad rage to crash my roommates…not even sure what to call what was going on. Let me give you a little background on me before I go off on a rant.
I’m one of those rare girls nowadays that doesn’t drink, party, smoke or generally do anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling my mom about. Yes we still exist (hit me up, just kidding, or am I?) I’m no angel, but when it comes to alcohol and drugs, I’ve never been a fan. A drop of alcohol has never touched my lips and I’ve never so much as touched any drug. My dad’s addiction to alcohol and choice to leave me, rather than give up the bottle is why I never want to try the stuff. That, and being a psychology major. I’ve learned too much to be stupid enough to do something so harmful to my body. Needless to say, this aspect of personality is why I don’t party. I like to dance and I love being with friends, but being surrounded by drunk underage college students is not my idea of a fun night. I know what you’re thinking, then just don’t go to parties, what are you whining about? I don’t go to parties, I went to one my freshmen year sensing it wouldn’t be my scene and guess what, it wasn’t. The problem is parties come to me, more specifically, my house. I have a roommate who no matter the number of times I tell her I don’t party and my reasoning behind not wanting to play beer pong, she can’t seem to come to terms with. I’m nice enough to allow her and my other roommates to invite hundreds of people over to my house, so is it too much to ask for one night when I can go to bed early after a long week and not be woken up at 3 am to the sound of Chris Brown and people I don’t know getting a little too comfortable my couch? I didn’t think so.
With this said I think it’s time I write an article on how to be a good housemate. We’ve all read those articles where they say to clean up after yourself and not borrow things without asking so I’m going to save you the trouble of writing about something that’s not only common sense, but actually useful as well as something I’ve dealt with while living in a house off campus .
1. Respect Your Roommates Choices
Whether your roommate chooses to never party or party every night, if it’s not something that affects you having fun don’t constantly pressure them to do or not do something. This includes whether someone goes out on Friday nights, smokes, drinks, makes out with that guy who’s been checking her out, etc. If you find yourself constantly trying to convince your friend to “have fun” maybe you need to reflect inward and focus on why you are so consumed with changing their idea of having a good time. Maybe YOU are the one not having fun, just maybe.
2. Always Ask Before Having Someone Overnight
Excluding family members who in that case you can just inform your housemate that they’ll be coming over. But when it comes to friends, boyfriends, guys who you think will make a commitment to you but in reality never will, always ask before having someone overnight. This rule also applies if you have your own room, because nothing is more uncomfortable than waking up in the morning to go grab a piece of toast and bumping into a total stranger before you’ve even put on pants. This rule applies especially when having guys over. Just because you have your own room doesn’t mean it’s an automatic yes. The only way you wouldn’t have to ask is if you plan on keeping him behind your bedroom door the entire time. In that case go for it, as long as I don’t have to see him.
3. Do Things with the Right Intentions
There is a classic case of this going on at my house all the time. If you are going to do something nice that benefits everyone (like taking out the trash) just do it to be nice, not to get a “thank you” from everyone. Excuse me for not awarding you with a medal for taking out the trash. Maybe you do take it out more than me, I’m not sure since I don’t keep count, but I can say that 100% of the time that I’ve done something for the house I wasn’t expecting appraisal from everyone living under our roof. Nothing makes me be more ungrateful than knowing I am expected to be so. You don’t receive good karma when you are doing something for the good karma, it just doesn’t work that way.
4. Who Let the Dogs…In?
I live in a house with two dogs, two very different dogs. One is the sweetest pitbull terrier I’ve ever met. I’ve spent countless days in bed cuddling with her watching Grey’s Anatomy and spilling my feelings. Then there’s the Chihuahua named Romeo, someone who I would never want to save me. He barks, he poops everywhere, and to make things worse he is the biggest crybaby I have ever met. This dog makes it impossible to bring anyone over, but even with his flaws I still love him and take care of him when his owner isn’t around. Having pets in a house is work for everyone, there is no such thing of taking care of your dog alone. It’s not like I’m going to let the dog pee on himself and walk by while he scratches on the door. I feel bad for little Romeo, spending the majority of his day waiting for his owner to come only to be ignored. Tip number four is for those of you who are going to bring a pet to school with you, evaluate how much this is going to affect everyone’s lives. While your roommates may be thrilled at first, being woken up every time the pool guy comes by at 8 am is maybe not something they were looking forward to. Even if they don’t complain, you should thank and/or repay your roommates somehow for all the work they do when you’re not around to take care of your pet.
5. Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll
Maybe I should have called this boyfriends, drugs and music volume, but the other heading just sounded so much cooler. This one’s simple. If you want to have sex, go for it, it’ll be great (hopefully). Just let me know if you want to have an overnight guest. You like getting high and drinking until you puke? It’s your body, rot your kidneys for all I care but don’t ever ask me to join you and don’t even think that I’m going to help you off the floor or hold your hair. This may sound harsh, but you got yourself drunk, so you can get yourself sober. Just because you have a sober roommate does not mean she wants to be your babysitter. And lastly, music. This one’s simple, play it at a volume that won’t annoy the whole neighborhood. And if it’s past 11 or 12, grab your headphones. I rarely go to bed early, but when I do it most likely means I had a horrible week, probably cried myself to sleep and don’t want to be woken up at 2:30 AM to the sound of Chris Brown’s voice and you giggling because god knows what is being done to you.
6. Don’t Judge my Personal Space!
I’m not a clean person, at all. Sometimes my room looks like it could be featured on Hoarding: Buried Alive and I am completely aware of that. I go through phases when I need everything completely organized and then I have weeks when I don’t have 5 minutes to clean up. Outside the fortress of my bedroom I’m an average clean person, no neat freak, but I am considerate of others. With this said, there is nothing I hate more than someone walking into my room and commenting on the dirtiness of my room. One, did I invite you to come to my room, probably not. Two, what are you my mom, shut the hell up. Three, why does it bother you so much? In the words of Lorelai from Gilmore Girls, “homes are for expression not impression,” and like my room my mind is a mess. I don’t care if the next time you walk into your housemates room there’s a rat snacking on a moldy lime. Maybe she likes the smell of week old popcorn and a pile of clothes on the floor makes her feel at home. Get off her sack and go clean your room you freak.
So there you have it, my 6 tips to avoid being that roommate everyone secretly rolls their eyes at. If you think about it, it’s not that difficult. Essentially mind your own business and if you’re going to do something that affects someone else, ask them beforehand. Oh, that last line just made me remember something crucial.
7. Impromptu Tip Seven
I’m not your dad. Your pathetic daddy’s girl eyes will not work on me, they only make me think less of you. When asking your housemate for something, ask…don’t beg. And ask ONCE!! This does not mean if you don’t like the answer you ask again. Don’t ask until you get the answer you want. Don’t try to persuade them. While you have the right to make your case, tell me once. You have one shot to tell me your reasons, once my decision is made, accept it. Nothing is more annoying than being begged. Wait, there is something more annoying. Being sulked at because you didn’t give daddy’s little girl exactly what she wanted. Step off. Your roommate most likely has a totally valid reason for saying no and you’re too busy being a brat to listen to her reasoning.
Now I’m done. My seven tips to avoid being that roommate everyone thinks about replacing every once in awhile. It’s now 4:16 AM, there is nothing but paid programming on and I’m wide awake. Why? Because I have a housemate who had people over without asking me, plays music to get it on without ever actually putting out and I drank an entire Gatorade just for the satisfaction of opening the fridge and waking up the people who are crashing on my couch. It’s my life, I’ll do what I want!! (Unless if it affects my housemates of course.)