What seems like a moment ago, we were all waving goodbye to 2013 and getting pumped for the promises of a whole new year. Most of us resolved to become new people with new diets, new exercise routines, new study schedules, and new spending habits.
Fast forward to February.
At this point, a lot of us have abandoned our ambitious New Year’s Resolutions, and have nothing to look forward to this month but the overly-hyped and ever-painful Valentine’s Day. That, on top of midterm season and inhuman amounts of schoolwork, is enough to put anyone in the winter blues.
But half of this uphill battle is your mindset. The quarter is already halfway over, and the month of January is gone. That does not mean it is too late to make real change within yourself in 2014! This year, do not fight against the person you were in 2013 in the hopes of evolving into a brand new person with a completely new lifestyle. Instead, let this be the year that you learn to embrace the beautiful individual that you are.
Here is some of my best advice on how to get the self-love started.
1) Create a space dedicated to self-love
Use your unique learning style and create something that serves the sole function of promoting self-love. If you are an auditory learner (for example, you take in the most information by listening to your professors speak or paying attention to podcasts), make a feel-good playlist. If you are a kinesthetic learner (meaning you need to touch, practice, and experience the material for it to sink in), dedicate time to volunteering or put your body in motion, appreciating all that you do with each step. For me, I am a visual learner, and so I took the last few days of winter break to make a vision board. Each photo represents the people who motivate me, the goals I strive for, and the positive phrases that keep me in check. My vision board creates a space for me to reflect on my life. It hangs right above my bed, and so every day when I look at it before rushing off to campus, I have a quick reminder of what is most important–including myself.
2) Take selfies
There is so much unnecessary taboo around taking pictures of yourself! It is often seen as narcissistic, or that everyone (well, let’s be honest… most of these opinions are directed towards teenage girls) who posts selfies is just fishing for compliments and more likes on Instagram.
American culture is so saturated with critique that it creates a horrible paradox: if you are a woman, you are expected to fit a narrow expectation of beauty that usually involves blonde hair, big boobs, and a flat stomach; but you are not allowed to be self-conscious when you do not match up to that ideal because “confidence is sexy.” However, at the same time, if you think you are too attractive, you are considered to be self-absorbed and insufferable. There is no way to win! I used to be so scared of people’s reactions that I would avoid talking about my appearance at all costs. I never even dared to take pictures of myself on my phone, let alone post them on the Internet.
But recently I started forcing myself to take selfies. If you have problems with self-esteem, like I always have, it will definitely be tough at first. Taking pictures of myself felt awkward and shameful, and staring at my own face for more than a few minutes made me uneasy. But after six months, I finally got the hang of it. I even worked up the courage to post my first selfie on Instagram! Now, when I turn on that front-facing camera, I am comfortable looking at my face. I am not concerned with other people thinking I am narcissistic, because the only way to break out of the paradox is to accept yourself and forget how others perceive you. I look damn good, and I know it! That is what matters, and there is no shame in that no matter what anyone tries to tell you.
3) Document positive thoughts
Writing down positive thoughts and experiences, rather than focusing on the negative, keeps your mind on the great things about life. Even if it is as simple as noting that you made it to all of your classes today, or had a really good lunch, focusing on the good moments (no matter how small) helps you think more positively in general. By doing this consistently, you will start to have a more optimistic view of the world around you.
To take it one step further, document the things you love about yourself and the things you accomplish! Rather than beating yourself about the mistakes and missteps you make, write down (or even just take a moment to consciously think about) what you have done well. Formally recognizing your moments of success affects the way you view yourself overall. Trust me, it works.
In my apartment, we have a chalkboard in the kitchen with a new question every week, and each day we write our answers. Recording something positive at the end of the day keeps us motivated and grateful, despite the craziness of school.
4) Police negative self-talk
Every time you think or say something bad about yourself, make a mental note. Catch yourself, and take back whatever it is you said/thought. Don’t let yourself get away with self-hating behavior. Even though I have dedicated myself to self-love over the past year, sometimes I will still make a mistake and catching myself thinking, “Wow! I am so stupid! (…usually with some colorful curse words added)” When that happens, I stop, take a deep breath, and reply, “I’m not stupid. I’m still a good person. I just made a mistake, and now I know for next time.” It sounds cheesy, but I urge you to try it out. The process is tedious, but over time, the negative self-talk with cease and self-acceptance will take its place. You just have to be diligent about it.
5) Police negative thoughts and words about others
There is no way to fully love yourself while still bashing others. I don’t care what anyone says, living in a healthy mindset means that you accept not only yourself, but the people around you. There can be no room for needless negativity towards others. Everyone is composed of flaws that can be frustrating, and strengths that can inspire jealousy. You must come to terms with all of them. Stop gossiping, stop being rude because you’ve had a bad day, stop making fun of the way that girl is dressed or the way that guy stutters when answering questions in class. Just stop! Quieting those hateful thoughts will not only keep your mind negativity-free and open, but it will make you feel like a better person. You will feel better about yourself, because you are better than that. You are above bitterness.
6) Make time for yourself
College students take on so many commitments, it can seem impossible to find time for self-care. But learning to love yourself involves recognizing that you deserve to be taken care of. Your physical, emotional, and mental health is important! Be sure to squeeze in something exclusively for yourself every day, whether it is making a cup of your favorite tea, going for a run, doing yoga for meditation, or watching an episode of your latest television obsession. Paying attention to your needs will keep you sane in the midst of schoolwork, clubs, and internships. Also, the ability to take care of yourself will give you a boost of confidence. You are responsible! And healthy! And super cool! Keep it up! :)