Last weekend I was hanging out with one of my best guy friends and chatting about life. While eating Yoloberry, we got on the subject of our generation’s mentality, specifically the mentality of the Davis campus. We came to the conclusion that people tend to hang out with people that they already know once they find their group of friends. They might meet new people every now and again, but the vibe isn’t one of being open to new relationships.
This helped explain the interactions that we both encounter at the bars. He mentioned how hard it is to try to talk to, and meet new girls at the bars. After thinking about my reaction to random guys walking up to me, it made perfect sense—we think it’s creepy! Besides getting hit on often by old men, why do girls think it’s always awkward when a guy approaches them? My response, because they usually are!
(Might I make it very clear, not all guys who try to talk to you at a bar are creepers! Some are really awesome; it’s your job, and the job of your friends, to help you pick the gold nuggets from the dirt.)
How do we protect ourselves from these creepers? We all use a strategy that my friend likes to call “The Mirror Effect.” We’ve all been in this situation: you’re at a club dancing with your girlfriends. All of a sudden some random guy comes up behind you and starts grinding on your backside and pulling you in close. How do you respond? You look at your girlfriends, point behind you, and mouth “Is he cute?” At this point, your friends proceed to examine the guy practically groping you in order to make hand gestures and facial expressions that convey whether you should continue to dance with this guy or not. Your friends are the mirror that shows you who you are dancing with and often save you from dancing with any creepers.
But, have you ever stopped to think about the effects of using your mirror on the guy dancing behind you? I know we all get caught up in trying to save ourselves, but we never stop to think that the guy can see the mirror too! I asked my guy friend if he sees the hand signals and gestures from the friend’s of his dance partner to which he answered: “Oh yeah!” Think about that for a second. How would you feel if you were dancing with someone and their friends all made elaborate gestures explaining that you are not attractive enough for them to dance with you? To put it bluntly, that would suck! What a bruise on your ego.
After this obvious realization, I encourage all of you to come up with subtle indicators of whether your friend should continue to dance with a boy. I think dance moves are the best way to go about this. Have one dance move indicating the guy is hot, and another indicating that he’s not your type. This way, you can still avoid the creepers and avoid hurting any egos or self-esteem. Lastly, use the indicators sparingly. Give the guys a chance and be open to meeting new people. You never know, you could meet your next best friend or boyfriend!