I never expected to be one of those people staying with their high school boyfriend, but Spencer was worth it. Like many other high school seniors, we were being pulled in different directions post grad: him to working full-time in Edmonton, me to the University of Victoria. We had been best friends for years before we dated, and once we began dating, I couldn’t imagine my life without him; not being in a LDR wasn’t even an option.
After surviving a year apart from eachother, I decided to compile a list of tips for those of you about to enter a LDR, or already in one:
1. Trust
This seems like a pretty obvious one, but I cannot stress enough how important it is. In university, especially as a first year, you both will be meeting so many new people, and it’s hard not to worry that your SO will find someone new. But, you have to remember that the other person is with you for a reason, and trust that they respect you enough not to cheat. If either of you are particularly jealous, an LDR has little chance of success.
2. Communication
Ensure that you spend time talking with each other; I mean actually talking, not just texting. Spencer and I would try to call each other everyday. Sometimes we’d be on the phone for hours, other times we’d just call to say goodnight. It definitely made me feel closer to him and allowed us to learn more about each other when we didn’t have the physical aspects of a relationship to rely on.
3. Schedule dates
Spencer and I still had “dates.” Early in the week we made plans to spend Friday or Saturday just hanging out on FaceTime, watching movies on Netflix. I would look forward to it all week, and then get ready like it was any other date. It might have felt a bit ridiculous at first, but I am so happy we did that; it kept normalcy in our relationship.
4. See each other in person
This was the hardest thing to do as Spencer had a full-time job and I was in school, but we still managed see one another whenever we had a period of free time (reading break, Christmas, etc.). We each paid half for a plane ticket, and then spent whatever time we could together. Because it was so rare, the time we did spend together felt more special and made me appreciate every moment we were together.
5. Have your own friends and hobbies
In order to prevent feeling lonely and depressed, I forced myself to make lots of new friends and join clubs. Having other things going on in my life and not sitting by the phone every night made the time go by faster, and allowed me to truly enjoy my first year. It showed me that I was a whole person, and not just half of a couple, which allowed me to be a better girlfriend in the long run.
6. Remind yourself why it’s worth it, and that one day, you’ll be together again
I’m not saying it’s easy: LDRs take work to maintain, and there will be days where you miss your SO so much you can’t think about anything else. But you have to remember why you’re doing this, and that it will all be worth it when you’re in the same place again.
This year, Spencer chose to attend BCIT and I decided to transfer to UBC. Now, all I have to do is take an hour long bus-ride to see him whenever I want to. Because we were able to survive a LDR, I feel like we are stronger as a couple, and we appreciate spending time together that much more. In the end, distance was the best thing that happened to my relationship.