The iPhone switch. “Casual.” Diet Coke. Borrowing clothes. Sushi. The Pregame.
These topics make up just a few of the 138 gems on the “Betch List,” the alarmingly accurate table of contents of the website Betches Love This (Betcheslovethis.com). The site itself details the stereotypical sorority airhead’s interests, opinions and sneering commentary and includes subsections “Betch of the Week,” “Dear Betch,” “Bros,” “World,” “Culture,” and the “Betch Guide to Life.” In brief, Betches Love This is Cosmo’s sardonic, frank and slightly slutty sister.
So what exactly is a betch? After a bit of analysis, I would say there are a few components that create the true specimen. The word has its origins in “bitch”: a snobby or unkind girl. Being a bitch, however, is just one component of the complex identity of a betch. A betch must possess a great wardrobe with nothing in it larger than a size four (and she better be one tall betch if she’s wearing anything that big). In addition, she had better have a posse of pretty girlfriends to gossip, shop, party and (not) eat with. Most importantly, a betch must be witty; Her cutting remarks and bluntness along with designer shoes, killer legs and arrogant attitude make her a force to be reckoned with.
After my introduction and initial “Good God this is appalling” reaction to the site, I couldn’t help chuckling at the underlying truth in about 90% of the content. First of all, the authors capture “betchy linguistics” perfectly. From “I meannnn” to “casual,” the vocabulary could be heard word for word from Umich girls sitting in Sadako, waiting in line at Starbucks or engaged in idle chitchat at Skeeps. In addition, the tidbits of advice peppered throughout each section are entertaining and occasionally a valuable font of information: The betches provide wise words on college athletes (“he may go pro, but he’ll always be a bro”), cutting the bathroom lines at the bar (“the key is to bump all these bitches out of your way without getting called out”) or being the “other” woman (“no one respects the town harlot. Remember, karma’s a betch”). The betches also pick out a weekly hero every betch loves (like Pippa Middleton, Adele or Chelsea Handler) and they sing their praises – effectively articulating their fellow devotees’ opinions.
The abovementioned snippets are mere glimpses of the glory that is Betches Love This; To appreciate the site properly, I suggest you get on your Macbook Pro ASAP and start perusing. The topics of the Betch List, idols on the Betch of the Week and candid advice of the Betch Guide to Life appeal to the slightly snobby side of many girls and give voice to those repressed thoughts you keep to yourself lest you sound completely heartless.
While the site offers humour and serves as an over-the-top satire of your stereotypical sorority girl, certain aspects of the site could be deemed truly offensive. First off, the constant references to “being ano” (anorexic) promote society’s fixation on a stick-thin feminine figure. Also, frequent allusions to the shame of being “poor” (a.k.a., anything but a trust fund baby) seem unnecessarily judgemental and snide. These, among other themes (“blacking out,” “talking shit,” “talking about yourself,” etc.) add to the superficial reputation most sorority girls face; You may, then, justifiably ask whether a site like this really worth the encouragement of such shallow stereotypes and values.
Like many things in life, I think it’s necessary to take Betches Love This with a grain of salt. As a sorority girl who likes to think she has some sort of moral compass, I don’t treat the word of the betches as wisdom to live by or as an encyclopedic entry about a true sorority sister. Finding that you can relate to and actually partake in some of the slang and habits of a betch doesn’t in and of itself make you a promiscuous, ano and coke-snorting sororistitute (their words, not mine). To me, it just indicates you take yourself less seriously and have the capability to ‘fess up to your flaws and laugh at the less admirable bits of your character. You don’t have to be a betch to love the Betches.