I can remember where I was, when my perspective shifted. I was sitting during a theatre performance about safety during orientation at the University of Michigan. That was when I heard it. It was then that I learned that one in every five women experiences sexual assault in college.
It was a culture shock. Was I completely oblivious to the fact that women are sexually assaulted and targeted more? Of course not, but I’d never been exposed to this before. In my rural hometown, I’ve never had to worry about walking home alone or leaving a friend’s house late at night. Being in college with thousands of people, it was all new. The idea of myself, my friends, my sisters, or any woman I knew having this happen to them–it terrified me. I didn’t like going to the store alone or going out for a run. The thoughts were always in the back of my head, and I was tired of it. One night during my winter semester, I received an email about a self-defense class being offered nearby during the spring, and without a second thought, I signed up. This was my outlet to end it.
That spring, I completed my self-defense class. After I graduated by splitting a board of wood with a forceful, empowered kick, I met someone new. Through all the sweat, tears, and frustrations, I met a new version of myself, someone who could handle anything tossed at them from all spectrums of life. This class started as a way for me to protect myself, and it ended as a platform that launched me into liberation. For all women, from all ages, in all countries, you deserve this too. As a walked away from my class for the last time, I was a changed woman prepared for anything.
Ideally, I’d love to live in a world where women don’t have to be taught to protect themselves, but rather individuals are taught to not harm us, but I can’t be so naïve. This is the best option for women to be safe. Given that, taking a self-defense class doesn’t undermine the real issue of violence against women, nor does it teach women to accept rape culture. It teaches more than physical tactics like kicks and jabs. The whole package these classes give you contains the ingredients to a stronger life for women in any situation, not just with attackers. I’ve narrowed down five of many values I’ve learned from taking one self-defense class that help me every day to continue my life as an adamant, hardworking woman. I hope these values inspire you to take a self-defense class of your own and to find that new person inside you, who is itching to get out.
5. Perseverance
“Your body will do what it knows how to do”. My self-defense instructor told us this each and every class. If you keep pushing to get better, to get stronger, to trust yourself, you will succeed. In my class, we studied the power of verbal skills, mental preparedness, and physical defense skills. Combined, they made us invincible. They made me invincible. And I know as I practiced each class and ran scenarios through my head, I knew I was prepping myself for life. You can never fail yourself if you’re prepared to keep trying. That’s something I’ve learned to apply to everything in my life.
4. Respect
One of the biggest habits I had to address in my class was my constant resort to putting myself down or blaming myself when I did something wrong. In a self-defense class, you learn to not only respect other people and women, but also to respect yourself. If something feels uncomfortable or not right, don’t let yourself fall into the motions. Respect yourself enough to make a change and do something about your situation. You don’t need an excuse or a valid reason to speak up. You can be assertive and rude without anyone’s permission but your own. Listen to your gut and trust your intuition. It’s not your fault. It’s never your fault. Striving to earn the respect you deserve starts internally, and from then on, no one can stop you.
3. Community
What’s stronger than one woman? (I know what you’re thinking, “no one”, right?) But what about a whole bunch of women?! Self-Defense opens your eyes to the power we have when we all stand together. I became very close to the women and girls taking the class alongside me, and through their stories and words of encouragement, I felt safe. I felt strong, and I felt important. Women need to stand together, because together, we are unbeatable.
2. Independence
There’s only one person in the world that will always be there to pick you up off the ground, to be your best friend, and to always remind you that you’re doing just fine. And that person is YOU. Through self-defense, you learn the power of trusting yourself, of believing yourself, and in the end, you find you’re the only person you ever need. Being independent can sound scary to some women, but it’s the most empowering gift you can give yourself. When you stop constantly relying on others for validity, that is when you succeed. In the end, the only person you’ll have by your side is yourself. Be independent. Trust yourself. Love yourself.
1. Confidence
You can and will do anything you set your mind to. You CAN defend yourself. You CAN be independent. And most importantly, you CAN be a strong, empowered, invincible, ambitious, courageous, sophisticated, remarkable, unbreakable, committed, inspired, determined, enthusiastic, dedicated woman. Nothing can stand in your way if you believe in the one person carrying you along—yourself. Self-defense was more than being able to dodge an attacker. It gave me hope that I can and will succeed, because now nothing can get me down. Nothing can beat me without a fight. I am powerful. I am determined. I am a woman.
Our world isn’t ideal in a multitude of ways, but we can never be perfect. But each day, we can work to make it better. The best step we can take to make our society better is to be prepared and work towards change. Carry yourself with perseverance, respect, a community, independence, and confidence, and together, we can do this. No matter what walk of life you come from or where you start with your empowerment journey, one thing with always be the same.
Nothing is stronger than a woman.