There are roommates we love, roommates we tolerate, and then there are those roommates who are something else entirely. Annoying habits, a bad personality, and just general weirdness can all make for uncomfortable living situations. Take it from me: I lived with a terrible roommate for a semester. Even though I still can’t wrap my mind around her antics (you wouldn’t be able to either), looking back from the comfort of my single, I realize that I’ve learned a few things from her.
1. No one says we have to be friends with our roommate.
I’ve always been friendly with my roommates. I don’t expect best friend status, but I like knowing we can talk to each other and get dinner sometimes. Though we had some things in common, I quickly realized my roommate and I had more differences. I began optimistic, but it became clear that we weren’t going to be friends. While it’s good to have a pleasant relationship with our roommates, it’s also fine if we don’t get along with them either. I’m not talking about open hostility, but forced conversations and awkward dinners aren’t worth faking it for.
2. We have to be our own motivators.
This is college. No one is here to hold our hand, make us go to class, or get involved on campus. Though I already knew this, entering as a transfer and having to start over again was daunting. Strange as it seems, seeing my roommate neglect homework and sit around all day pushed me to try harder, join more clubs, go to more events, and really immerse myself in the UMass campus. While people like our parents and the threat of bad grades can encourage us to do our best, ultimately we have to be our own motivator. If we’re the ones doing the work and attending the meetings we need to believe in what we’re doing.
3. We need to learn to trust our instincts.
This may seem basic, but it’s incredible how many times we try to rationalize our feelings. I had misgivings about my roommate from the beginning, but I tried to reason with myself and dismiss those feelings. By the time I concluded that things weren’t working out I had missed all my opportunities to move out during the semester. While it’s important not to get caught up in our emotions, our instincts are usually right and even when we’re still unsure we owe it to ourselves to at least look into why we’re feeling that way.
4. Sometimes we have to put on our b*tch boots.
Enough is enough. We know our limits and when we’ve been pushed too far it’s okay to push back. There are some people that are always going to be selfish and rude and though we can hope the problem will go away we can also face it head on. Whether it’s talking to our roommate, the RA, or moving out – if we won’t stick up for ourselves, who else will? I was afraid of being mean and hurting feelings, but I realized that I was in an uncomfortable situation, I wasn’t happy, and things weren’t getting better. So if I had to be the “bad guy” and move out, so be it. Now I’m so much happier. We shouldn’t be afraid to take a stand and make tough decisions.
5. We shouldn’t let anyone live inside our heads.
The general negativity surrounding my roommate and my room made me miserable. I would spend hours in the library just to escape and the idea of coming back to the room each night made me feel trapped. I felt like it wasn’t even my space and that I didn’t live there. What I was doing however was letting my roommate get to me. Sometimes we encounter negative situations that make us sad, angry, frustrated, and upset, but we cannot allow these people or situations to affect our emotions. By dwelling on the bad we forget about the good and it creates a cycle of unhappiness that traps us. We have to acknowledge what’s going on and decide what do about it in order to feel better.