My relationship with the Diva Cup was 6 years in the making, going all the way back to musical theater camp when my counselor hosted a “Diva Cup workshop.” After learning all about how I’d get to shove a cup up my vagina to save some sea turtles from snacking on my bloody tampons, I started to reconsider my value of sea turtles. Well, my 15-year-old self is an imbecile because I didn’t even consider using the Diva Cup until last year when my housemate tried it. Googling “how to birth a Diva Cup” for her when she got it stuck did not help the Diva Cup’s case.
A few too many “historic” snowstorms, pipelines, and ticking “Dooms Day Clocks” later, I figured I’d stop buying tampons and try the Diva Cup.
First things first, I purchased my Diva Cup. The lowest price I found (at a trustworthy store) was $30. Now, that might sound pricey, but let’s say I buy a $5 box of 15-20ish tampons every period. If I get my period every month, then I’m looking at $60 of SEA TURTLE-KILLING COTTON* per year.
(*I have no scientific evidence behind my sea turtle statements, but you can google this for yourself).
Okay, after I had a Diva Cup in my possession, I went to the bathroom and got ultra-friendly with my vagina. (Don’t forget to clean your Diva Cup first. Check their website for instructions/general questions).
Blood got everywhere.
Alllll over. On the bright side, I learned some great crime scene cleanup skills. Everyone watch out.
When I finally got the Diva Cup in, I had to figure out how far in I need to put it. To be honest, I also had a dramatic story in my head where my vagina would swallow my Diva Cup forever, and I’d have to go explain my predicament to a hospital doctor (and I already have an irrational fear of doctors).
I FINALLY figured it out.
I know I just made my Diva Cup experience sound like the bloodbath scene from The Shining.
But, I promise that stopped happening after a couple of tries. Now I only get my hands dirty twice a day (during my period) because I don’t have to change it for TWELVE hours. Take that @Tampons @ToxiShockSyndrome.
Oh, and I’m no longer killing sea turtles (at least not via tampon usage) so I think I’m ready for sainthood.
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