It’s a well-known fact that relationships are hard. Establishing a serious relationship during college, however, can be even harder. Sometimes one cannot help but wonder: Can love happen at Tufts? There are many factors that complicate this question. Let’s start off with the most notorious one: the hookup culture:
Hookups
Like all colleges in the US, Tufts has a hookup culture. Although hook ups may be entirely causal, sometimes it can do the opposite—It can complicate things. Despite the fact that it may start as a casual activity, sometimes its ambiguous nature can leave people wanting something more defined and structured.
Both men and women naturally become attached to their hookup buddy. Differentiating between physical and emotional intimacy can be difficult.
Sometimes we are not even aware that we have feelings for that person until you feel this ineffable sense of discomfort that really rubs you in the wrong way. It’s not jealousy, but maybe it is. You just are not sure. And this is where the dilemma begins: could this be something more than just a hookup?
But let’s be a little more honest here. In most cases, it’s girls that become attached first. It’s part of female nature to want to settle down. You can deny it as much as you want, but at the end of the day, no one really wants to be alone. Plus, it’s culturally looked down for girls to get around everywhere. There are many derogatory terms to describe this type of female. However, in the male culture, especially within the male college demographic and more specifically amongst fraternity culture, getting around is part of being the alpha male. Of course there are exceptions to this rule. This is just the general stereotypical case.
So how do girls deal with this issue surrounding the hookup culture? Some just accept it and go with the flow – hooking up with Person A and Person B now and then for the fun of it. Eventually, some end up retiring from that lifestyle. “Everyone I’ve had an experience with has only been on a hook up level… and I just stopped because I realized I get emotionally attached…I don’t like hook-up culture and I’ve actively taken myself out of it. Being with a ton of random people is not appealing to me. I don’t pass judgment on those that choose to engage in the culture though; it’s just not me,” says a junior Tufts student.
Others may not choose to hookup for more practical reasons, “…the hook up culture at Tufts (although it’s probably really at every college) does scare me. I don’t get it. I think it’s a waste of time and energy as well as really scary when you consider all the STDs out there,” says a sophomore.
Yes, as much as you may hate to accept it, people at Tufts get STDs. Just be careful who you get close with.
Furthermore, another possible factor that may encourage hook-ups is the need to experiment during a person’s college years. As they say, “College is the best years of your life.” Perhaps the pressure to live up to this statement provokes people to go a little overboard. The fact that there are only four years of college is scary. A sophomore shares her thoughts on the issue, “I think that the time constraint as well as the fact that these years of your life really challenge you to think about yourself (who you are, what you want out of life, what you expect of others, etc.) make people choose hooking up over relationships.”
Jumbo Ambition and Aspirations
Not only is college believed to be the best time to work hard and play even harder, it is the time where each person tries to find and pursue their personal interests, making college a time of ambition, and to some extent, years of selfishness. People become heavily invested in what they want to do, causing them to be more prone to fear commitment. According to a senior, “People at Tufts may use the campus culture as an excuse for failed relationships or to avoid relationships all together. People may use excuses like “I have too much work” or “I want to focus on my future, so I can’t get emotionally involved and don’t have time for a relationship” and so on and so forth. Excuses like this aren’t uncommon. After all, let’s be honest – a majority of students at Tufts are over achievers; and many of them feed off of stress and a huge workload. “
Diversity, what diversity?
In light of recent happenings and the Dean’s email which attempted to address the diversity issue on campus, discrimination certainly does not only happen within classrooms, but in relationships as well. There is presently an underlying, implicit segregation on campus, and some do find that it hinders their romantic prospects at Tufts. A member of a minority group at Tufts opens up, “I think a person’s experience at Tufts is unfortunately highly connected to who you are. Not being a part of the Greek community, and being a minority student limits things a lot for people and that’s the unfortunate truth despite the fact that people want to act like it’s not.” Of course, there’s always the fact that some people may just be more sensitive to group boundaries, but it is true that Tufts does have cliques and cohesive groups. The people that you meet are mostly met through mutual friends. Again, this issue is not unique to Tufts. Like it or not, discrimination and segregation in the world, whether explicit or implicit, is not going to disappear anytime soon.
So should we just give up?
You may or may not find love at Tufts, but the important thing to remember is that anything could happen. A seasoned senior explains,
“There are students who choose to hook up and students that avoid relationships. I know couples that have dated all 4 years at Tufts and decided to have a clean break right before graduating. I know couples that do long distance while studying Tufts. I know couples that got married after dating at Tufts. I even know one couple that met their freshman year at Tufts, dated, and then the boyfriend transferred schools, but they stayed together and are currently married with two boys.” If anything, you will regret it if you keep on hiding behind a wall all the time. A little bit of hope for romance can’t hurt a person that much, right?