Walking up Packard Street, the “Jumbro” is a common sight. Usually sporting a backwards baseball cap and Tufts lanyard, the stereotypical “Frat Star” walks with swag girls are known to swoon over. The image may seem cliché, something Tufts’ quisi-indie campus tries to shy away from, but, at least according to Dateless Diva blogger DeeDee, it’s just how the hill is.
DeeDee, a pseudonym combining the two Ds in the blog’s name, is no stranger to the campus’ male-female dynamic. After a year-and-a-half of immersing herself in the random hook up culture, DeeDee decided she’d suffered enough and stopped. Now a senior, DeeDee began writing her weekly-updated blog Sept. 10 once she mustered up the courage to speak out against a trend she’s had a problem with for years.
Even though the blog only receives about 200 hits per day, DeeDee said she hopes to attract more readers, as well as outside contributions of hook-up stories, to the blog as the year progresses. To maintain her anonymity, DeeDee e-mailed HerCampus Tufts answers to our questions about her blog, her love life and, of course, her view of the hook-up culture.
How did you get the idea to start the “Dateless Diva” blog?
Tufts is a great school but unfortunately for me there has always been something that has been missing. I think I can pinpoint that general “something” to the fact that I have yet to have a truly healthy relationship with a straight male on this campus. And I am not talking boyfriend, I am talking friend, hookup, drinking buddy, whatever.
There are about 1 million reasons I am not friends with males at Tufts and those reasons really started to wear on me until finally… I went abroad! The guys on my program were fine, nothing special, but what was special for me was that I could be friends with them. One night I ran into a guy from Tufts I had never met before. The entire thing seemed to be like a little audition of whether or not he thought he would be able to score with me.
I guess that night I decided for sure that I would write the blog. Because blogs are for frustrated people, and girl, if I am one thing, it is frustrated with a capital F.
Why did you decide to remain an anonymous blogger?
I have a hard enough time navigating the dating/hookup scene at Tufts when I just speak my points of view, so I would imagine that men would literally run from me if they knew I was behind the blog. Not that I really care about this, but I do want to continue having a semblance of a “normal” Tufts interaction with the opposite sex.
Also, it allows me to conduct “experiments” and “research” the dating scene at Tufts, which I would not be able to do if people knew who I was. But most importantly, it protects the people who share their stories with me and the people who are discussed in those stories.
Why do you think there’s such an overarching hook up culture at Tufts?
I think it is because the campus is so small and the community of people who engage in the party scene or go out on a regular basis is even smaller. The same people go to the same house parties and people don’t branch out of their familiar social scene that often. It makes people not want to take risks or voice their own opinions for fear they will be made fun of within their own social group.
People don’t want to be tied down in college so they just hookup, but at Tufts it seems like it is even less than that. When you hookup with someone at Tufts you can’t avoid them. So people are careful to not show affection, not look stupid, to act like they don’t care so that they don’t look weak or lame within this very small social scene.
Do you believe the hook up culture here is worse than it is at other colleges?
Yes. The same guys end up hooking up with close friends, a girl can get a reputation fast and it seems like you burn through all your available options quickly. Then, if something does go wrong with a hookup or someone is just done with it, there is a tendency to avoid the other person, which you cannot do at Tufts. This leads to a lot of women (and men) getting ignored for seemingly no reason by someone who they previously thought they were close to (or at least intimate with).
What’s your advice to avoid a hook-up-gone-wrong situation?
Trust no one? Just kidding. I think it is really important to make sure someone actually really likes you before you hook up with them. I’m not talking about likes the way you look or likes what you do with them or likes the way you flirt, I am talking likes you. It will leave you with a lot less pain and if the hookup fizzles out, maybe you two can still speak (doubtful but maybe).
What’s a respectable way for a guy to “get with” a girl he likes/wants?
It’s very simple: just have a little respect for your partner. Be interested in more things about her than just her looks and genitalia. See her during the day sometimes. Don’t text her after midnight and invite her over. Don’t avoid her when you run into her on the street. Be honest about your feelings and what other people you are hooking up with. And, after the hook up is over, don’t think you have to stop speaking (or even making eye contact) with her for her to get the picture.
When you have a crush, how do you usually handle the situation?
I have a policy of “if it happens it happens.” I don’t get too attached or emotional about it, which is good. I will try to be at places he is if it fits with my schedule, which isn’t difficult, and speak to him once of twice. If he shows no interest, I decide to move on. Very few hookups at this school are worth the drama.
Is there a plausible way to decrease the presence of the hook up culture on campus?
No. But, by communicating, people could make hooking up a lot more pleasurable and not so disappointing. I think if people just treated their partners with more respect and gave them their honesty, the hookup culture at this school wouldn’t be so horrible to participate in.
What’s your advice to girls who want to find a relationship in college without dealing with the random hook up scene?
Know what you want and don’t accept less, even if it means being celibate. Tufts is not a representation of what dating will be like in the real world, so don’t feel bad if you can’t get a dude with your no hookup policy. Trust me, it isn’t worth it.
Last thoughts?
I’m not a man hater, or here to bash on men.
To follow the Dateless Diva check out tuftsdatelessdiva.blogspot.com!