Hearing the phrases: losing your virginity, having your V-Card taken, or getting your cherry popped bring up all different kinds of sentiments whether they be regret, nostalgia, happiness, and everything in between. The first time is never as euphoric and intimate as the movies suggest. It can be awkward, confusing, and even painful. In a world defined by hookup culture, Tinder, and Snapchat nudes, is losing your virginity as special as it was in generations past?
Maria*, an 18 year-old virgin, grew up in a very conservative town where casual sex is very much frowned upon. “Here losing your virginity isn’t as big of a deal as it is back home, but I’m still scared to lose it to someone I don’t care about,” she said. Contrary to the myth that everyone is trying so hard to lose their virginity, she is not embarrassed to be a virgin. “I don’t really care about what other people think about my virginity. It’s mine you know? But sometimes I feel like there’s an entire world I’m missing out on because everyone here for the most part isn’t a virgin. Sometimes I feel like I should just do it to get it over with, but I know I’ll regret it unless it’s someone I care about and feel comfortable with,” she shared.
20 year-old Layla* lost her virginity at age 14 to someone she thought she loved at the time. When asked about her first time, she said, “I feel as though I did lose it to the wrong person and way too early, but it prepared me for emotions I would’ve had to deal with later on in life. I took it as a growing moment and an opportunity to learn a lot about myself and boundaries.”
Erika, also 20 years old, graduated from Catholic school where she was always taught that premarital sex was sinful. She personally does not agree with that, but it did prove very important to her. “Losing my virginity was a big deal to me! I was ‘losing my purity’ and it was something I could never get back.”
What about hookup culture?
None of the girls really like hookup culture but have accepted it.
“I mean I am a virgin so I don’t really like the idea of just sleeping with someone for the heck of it,” said Maria.
“I hate it, but I also participate in it,” said Layla. “I feel as though society today expects it from everyone. There have been situations where I felt I was obligated to have sex with someone, but I wasn’t in love or attached. Casual sex is fun as well, but it makes the moment so much better when you’re intimate with someone who is emotionally attached as well. ”
“I’m not a huge fan of hookup culture because that’s what leads to STDs amongst other problems. This culture doesn’t really support virginity, so what can you expect? Overall sex is a good thing to do with a consistent partner. It relieves stress and tightens the bond between couples if performed in moderation,” said Erika. “Sometimes hookups can be fun and exciting but for the most part I prefer to do it with someone I care about.”
Is it possible to become a born again virgin? Obviously there is no way to literally become a physical virgin again, but Layla believes there is no way to become virgin mentally. “Once you lose your virginity to someone, it’s gone. There is no such thing as a do over or second chance.” Erika, however, believes that if someone is celibate for a significant period of time, they can label themselves a virgin again.
Though hookup culture is the norm, many college aged girls to believe that it is important to sleep with someone important to them for their first time. Virginity is a temporary state, so be sure to remember that no matter how long you stay celibate after your first time, you never have a second chance.
*names have been changed to protect identities