“Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”
In an iconic moment from Sex and the City, an opportunistic Carrie Bradshaw mutters these words to a picturesque New York settling into fall. But the Facebook, hashtag and Pinterest generation of today is finding that it cannot relate to this mentality before “making it.” As women continue to reshape the traditional female mold, fighting for equal pay and equal rights, women—particularly college-aged women—are discovering that they are fighting to find a significant other who shares their ambition.
According to a Huffington Post study, college-aged women are now more educated than their male counterparts and going on to out-earn them in the workplace. “Making it” has taken on a new meaning, as the percentage of female CEOs continues to rise and women begin to conquer traditionally male-dominated fields.
However, does our new position as breadwinners mean that we will be spending more time chasing butterflies compared to our mothers’ generation?
“Men are maturing slower than women. It will take her longer to find that man,” says freshman Lauren Weller.
The Ambition Gap between men and women is about more than financial standing or education level. It’s about gumption and motivation. Facebook Chief Operating Officer Sheryl Sandberg believes that there is a growing divide between men and women.
“Men can comfortably claim credit for what they do as long as they don’t veer into arrogance,” says Sandberg in her bestselling book, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. “For women, taking credit comes at a real social and professional cost.”
When it comes to having someone to share their hopes and dreams with, women—especially powerful women—are coming up short. As women work harder, they are finding more and more men who do not support their lifestyles.
“If they’re working really hard and I’m not, I feel inferior, “ says freshman Peter Bartholomew, “It’s ridiculous.”
It begins in college, where women, according to The Atlantic, are graduating with more degrees, more detailed résumés and a schedule leaving little time for dating, especially dating where the man cannot think beyond his own couch.
“I’m not going to date an idiot,” Weller says, “I’d drop [an ambitionless man] like a hot potato.”
The Ambition Gap is a chasm all couples must cross to discover if their goals connect or collide. In college — the time to try everything at least once — students are finding that casual dating has become the norm, but that the Ambition Gap pervades even the hook-up culture. Women and men have rated lack of drive/ambition and childishness/immaturity in the top ten biggest turn-offs.
“If they’re not ambitious, then they don’t understand me being ambitious,” Bartholomew says.
As the shape of dating culture evolves, as women advance and society changes, it is no wonder that the average age of marriage is rising: 27 years for women and 29 years for men.
“Women are becoming more independent,” Weller says, “getting married and starting a family are second to starting a future.”
Furthermore, the shift in the dating culture and the institution of marriage is making the “alpha male” perspective a thing of the past. Beta men — men who assume traditional female roles — are more prevalent in relationships and marriages.
“I’m a musician,” Bartholomew says, “I can make enough money to support myself, but it’s hard to support a family. I’d be fine being a house husband.”
Even as the Ambition Gap widens, some key values never change.
“As long as there is mutual respect and love, nothing would get in the way of a relationship with me,” says freshman Tom Braun, “I prefer to date a young lady who is intelligent rather than a ditz.”