Cuffing Season… when the weather drops and the people who normally find themselves between a different set of bed sheets every other weekend, suddenly, get the urge to be tied down, better known as “cuffed.”
One day, you’re calling an Uber on a Saturday morning, shacker shirt dangling off of your shoulders, heels in hand. Then, the temperature drops 10 degrees, and you find yourself exclusively Netflix and Chilling with John from ECON. You think it is nice. Let me tell you why there should be red flashing lights going off in your head right now. John is not boyfriend material, and are you sure you are even girlfriend material?
Before you know it, John is going to ghost you even though you got him a thoughtful Christmas gift, so he can go to Colorado with the boys over break and kiss some girl, who is wearing only a ski jacket and a sports bra, on New Year’s Eve. Now, ask yourself do you really want to be binge drinking away the thought of John on New Year’s Eve when you could be partying with your girls? Cuffing season is finite. The snow will melt. The temperature will rise. Cuffing Season will end.
As the holidays approach, we know you might feel cold and lonely. So, we came up with 22 power moves you can pull to make sure you stay single and your heart stays whole this Cuffing Season…
- Snapchat him with the intent that no matter what he says back you’re going to open-no reply him. Also works if you have read receipts on iMessage.
- Make plans, and flake for a girls night out. Say something super cringey like, “Saturdays are for the girls,” if he gets upset.
- Tell him you love them the first time you meet him.
- Invite yourself to his family’s Christmas dinner.
- Ask if you can use the pack of condoms he left at your house with someone else. Say you didn’t want to be disrespectful.
- When the clock strikes 2 A.M. and the bars close send him a “wyd” text. Make plans for him to come over to your apartment, then go home and fall asleep. Enjoy waking up to 5 missed calls from him, 9 texts and a Snapchat of your apartment building captioned “you suck.”
- Constantly hint that you want him to buy you a $50 make up palette from Sephora for Christmas until he actually buys it for you.
- Snapchat a selfie referring to yourself as his “girlfriend” to all of the girls in his best friend list and recents on snap.
- Take a selfie of both of you on his phone, and make it his wallpaper.
- Bring up not wanting a relationship or anything serious before he does.
- “I’m graduating in five semesters so starting a relationship would be pointless.”
- Ask if you can leave a couple of your things at his place.
- Hit on his friends.
- Every time he tries to sleep with you say, “I can’t…I’m on my period.”
- Change the channel to HGTV whenever he is watching sports. Refuse to change it back.
- Buy him a toothbrush and deodorant for Christmas. Tell him to wait until you leave to open it.
- Shack so many times that he runs out of t-shirts. Refuse to give them back.
- Like his ex-girlfriend’s old pictures on Instagram.
- Ask him for nudes, then get mad when he asks you for some.
- Suggest getting a puppy together.
- Text him a paragraph about how much you like him, and immediately follow it up with a “sorry, wrong person” text.
- Comment “babe, text me back” on every picture he posts.