1. The famous ‘New Year’s Eve kiss’. If the mistletoe didn’t get you smooched a week ago, I can almost guarantee you’re not going to end up all lovey dovey at the strike of midnight. There’s nothing wrong with beginning the New Year the same way you ended this one, alone and cuddling with the vodka.
2. A huge amazing blow out party at your friend’s house. We all know this turns into pizza and silent sobbing with your closest friends as you all peruse everyone else’s Instagram pics. Save yourself the feelings of isolation and pretend social media doesn’t exist for a night. You’ll thank yourself in the morning.
3. The perfect sparkly dress. You’ve taken the mall by storm, left no store unturned, and yet, you are left dress-less and depressed. In your mind you had the perfect dress that you would have worn to the perfect party to create the perfect night. Reality: you’re in jeans pretending it’s what you wanted to wear all along.
4. You’ll be in New York City having the time of your life; you might even make it on T.V. Watching the ball drop from your living room is basically the same thing, right? I mean you didn’t want to deal with all the traffic and drunken crazies anyways.
5. Endless alcohol. Ended at 10 p.m. and you’ve been hoping to maintain a tipsy state of mind with the help of your favorite boyfriend, Sam Adams. Too bad the only thing left is Natty Lite and for some odd reason you don’t have an appetite for warm, bitter water.
6. Your best friends and hot mysterious men will surround you all night. Except all your closest friends are wifed up and busy with their boyfriends. As for the men – you know them all from High School and are hoping to leave them behind with 2013.
7. You won’t do anything you’ll regret. Well, at least the only documented proof of you dancing naked on that countertop was via Snapchat. Happy New Year’s to the Snapchat team.
8. You can eat all the pizza and drink all the beer you want because tomorrow you’ll begin P90X, Cross Fit, AND Insanity. Oh, wait. NYE falls on a Wednesday this year? Never mind, you’ll start next week. Or maybe the week after that. Who knows how long that hangover will last…
9. You’ll dance until the sun comes up. It’s 1:30 a.m. and you do have work the next morning after all. Maybe you’ll sneak out early, your buzz wore off before the ball dropped anyways.
10. It will be the best NYE ever. You’ve been saying that for the last twenty some odd years but this December 31st will be it. The night to end all nights. You won’t cry and you’ll maintain the perfect buzz for hours. Too bad you’ll probably end up spending most of the night over the toilet, holding your best friend’s hair back.