Sex articles often tend to focus on ways to improve intimate life, but my advice this week is on how to avoid disaster. Preference is, of course, an individual sort of thing – however I recently went around asking both male and female St. Olaf students what are their biggest turn offs. After weeding through the usual bad breath, poor hygiene and the like, a few interesting answers remained. So without further adieu the list:
The male point of view
1. Lack of confidence. It seems that the male population on the campus appreciate a woman who knows who she is and what she wants. Come on ladies! We are not little girls anymore. So stand up straight, look him in the eye, and flash those pearly whites!
2. Passive Aggressiveness. Nothing got these boys riled up more than talking about their pet peeve: girls who won’t say what they want! Maybe this ties into the confidence issue, but being direct is definitely a more effective means for getting what you want…wherever you want.
3. High Maintenance. This seems to be the classic scene: he is ready to go waiting by the door and the girl is still fixing her eyeliner. Honestly, most guys just enjoy being with a great girl. The perfect cat-eye really isn’t what is on the male mind. The same concept seems to apply to hook-ups. If a girl is too fixated on her hair or makeup it becomes distracting. Just let go and enjoy your time together.
4. Self-Centeredness. I remember as a little girl my mother always told me that it is not polite to talk about oneself. Alas, this rule of thumb still applies. Self-center actions and speech are often off-putting, selfish and generally undesirable. Remember the rule of reciprocation: if you do something special for someone else, they are likely to return the favor.
5. Overreacting to situations. Most guys I talked to get annoyed with this trait because they claim to be laid back. Trust your partner and take a deep breath. Everything is ok.
The female point of view
1. The Split Personality. It is evident, after speaking to many girls, that they prefer consistency. A man who treats a girl so well when they are alone, but then turns into a total “bro” as soon as the team or the boys enter the room comes off as flighty. We want to be treated the same no matter what the situation is. Besides if you treat a girl like one of the bros chances are she won’t want to hangout once they have gone.
2. Overuse of drugs or alcohol. It is not attractive to come back to someone who is very intoxicated or otherwise. Like I discussed in a previous post. these illicit substances often inhibit performance besides just provoking unattractive behavior. Also, if the habit becomes more time consuming in life than the relationship, girls tend to feel ignored. So stay clear so you can fully enjoy all moment of the night.
3. Lack of Punctuality. To all the guys out there who are always late for dates, girls hate waiting around just like you do. Although we may not be waiting for you to fix your make-up, it is still a sign of respect to be on time. If you are going to be late, call and let us know. Maybe that will give us time to plan something special for you.
4. Arrogance. Now don’t get me wrong. Girls love a confident guy, but don’t let it become too much. The way to get the girl is not to make her feel like you are the most amazing person in the world – it is to make her feel like she is!
Here are some of the honorable (or dishonorable) mentions: bad grammar, clinginess, bad posture, nasty feet, untrimmed fingernails and Crocs. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.