Ever since The Lizzie McGuire Movie came out, it is fair to say that we all wanted our own Paolo, minus his trickery. So what happens when it actually happens, when you are suddenly being asked out to the local pub for a pint in Cork, or being wined and dined at a street side restaurant in Rome, or trying to not only bike, but carry a conversation while biking alongside the canals in Amsterdam?
Well, lucky for you, I may have had a bit of experience in this area during my time abroad. Here are just a few take-a-ways that I learned from dating abroad.
It’s a great way to see the city.
Some of my greatest discoveries in Belfast have come from going on dates or even trying to find my way to where we were meeting up. In particular, I remember walking 45 minutes across Belfast to what felt like the very edge of the city to reach some overpriced club for Halloween. But, I finally found where this club I got free entry to during International Week was, so that was a plus. I also got to see a whole other part of Belfast I rarely explored.
Guys not only want to impress you (that is pretty much the same everywhere), but they also know you are only in their country for a short time, so they want to make sure you see the best parts of it.
Be respectful and aware of their social norms.
This can be challenging to navigate, especially if you didn’t have any orientation via a program, such as AIFS or CIEE, on social norms, or if you didn’t do any research of your own or have local friends who can tell you what’s up. I found out a lot about dating norms from my local friends, as well as a bit of trial and error. For example, Northern Irish guys are always quick to foot the bill. I have always been a fan of going half-and-half, however I found that it was quite the challenge to persuade the guy I was seeing abroad that we could split the check.
Be honest.
Most of us who are studying abroad are only in our country for a semester or, if you’re lucky, a year. Don’t ever tell a guy, especially if they are serious about you, that you are staying forever. Shockingly, I have seen this happen and it is not pretty. It is no fair to the guy when you suddenly up and leave in December or May. And if you are just looking to be friends or don’t want things to get serious too fast, don’t be afraid to tell them, I promise you it will make life easier on the both of you.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget that for the local guy you may be seeing, your study abroad experience is not a chapter in their life, like it may be for you. They are attending the same university you are, but full time. Their university experience in Brussels, Stockholm, or Madrid does not end when yours does; be conscious of what your relationship might mean to him.
Dating Americans abroad?
Wait, you can go abroad and end up dating someone from your own country? Yup. Though this wasn’t something that happened in my particular cohort, I am never quite sure why people are so surprised by this. Think about it though – if you are in a study abroad program such as CAPA, DIS, or AIFS, you tend to be surrounded and get to know your cohort colleagues very quickly and very intensely. There are some things that can inevitably tie two people together and one of them is that of being strangers in a strange land. You will not only struggle with language barriers together, but you will be able to share all the high and lows of being an American abroad.
Be safe
Sorry if I sound like a mom here, but you have to be careful with not only who you meet, but where they take you. Don’t get too wrapped up in a guy that you forget your safety. There are parts of the cities that may not be as friendly to outsiders as the City Centre or Student Quarters. Be sure that your friends know where you are off to, as well as a way to contact you. On a lighter note, having to get in touch with your friends via WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger is a great way to get the wifi password.
Don’t be afraid to live in the moment
I am a planner and I take life a little too seriously…sometimes I am super focused on the next thing, so I forget to chill sometimes. So getting romantically involved with anyone while abroad was never part of my plan. However, going on a few dates here and there with a great guy definitely helped me learn a lot about myself. And sometimes, we need people to remind us to stop and smell the roses or look for the next great adventure. For me, it wasn’t until I was standing on a street corner in Dublin, in the rain and in the cold, that I realized how exciting it can all be, sharing little moments with someone that can change how you see the world.