February marks the month on which another commercial holiday sits. The affectionate holiday being…. Valentine’s day. Candy hearts with cute sayings, stuffed animals that are too big to actually make good use of, and everything decorated in either pink, white, or red. For those of us who aren’t in relationships, Valentine’s day can be better known as Singles Awareness Day, but it doesn’t have to be in a sulky nature. This goes out to the plenty of girls that are currently completely content with being single. While many fail to comprehend why one would choose the single life, I understand.
“Wait, but why is a girl like you single?”
To which I normally respond with a sigh, an eye roll, a giggle of disbelief, or all the above. Then I gracefully cough out a: “um…well, what do you mean by that?” or “because I’m not looking for a relationship”.
Why is it so difficult to believe that some people are genuinely content with being single? While most don’t see the comment as offensive, it’s difficult to ignore the hugely generalized undertone in the question. I’m sure many of you who’ve been asked a similar question can rattle off numerous thoughts. Is there something wrong with me? Am I too unapproachable, stubborn, sassy, or picky? The list goes on. Or even worse, there is the insinuation that I need a significant other in my life to complete it, to validate my existence. Does my relationship status concern you? Does it affect you? Is there any reason why I need to justify my lack of a significant other to you? Well don’t worry, I can assure you that no, there’s nothing wrong with you.
First of all, we all know the type who value their independence and freedom. Ladies, get to know yourselves. l encourage everyone to take time to find security in themselves, rather than looking to someone else to complete your picture for you. The way I envision it, a relationship is like a great work of art. Rather than taking up the brush and finishing it for you, a significant other should add something completely new to the painting you’re creating, ensuring a true masterpiece.
The biggest benefit that I gained from what some may call a lonely walk through life so far, is clarity. I’ve met the version of myself that I want to be. I’ve learned more about myself than I wanted to. Most importantly, while this may sound selfish, I’ve continuously forced myself to seek happiness in myself as an individual rather than from someone else. Don’t get me wrong, when a potential “right person” walks through the door, even though it may be difficult, I will let them in.
I also learned how to value my friendships. I love to make genuine connections with people. In high school, I became sick, even fatigued, of being surrounded by friends who were so preoccupied with finding “the one”. There’s nothing wrong with that at all. I wish I could have the same enthusiasm, but I just allowed myself to be focused on other things: hobbies, and multiple friendships. For a while, I felt like society and my friends were screaming at me to be concerned that a young uni-aged female needed a companion in life. In all honesty, it made me feel turned off by the idea of being with someone. My only regret was my attitude at points. I almost feel like I made it a goal, to prove my independence by steering clear of anyone who I could be interested in.
It wasn’t until a new, yet dear friend of mine, stated something so simply. It caught me off guard. When discussing relationships, he stated:
“I can’t imagine you with a boyfriend”
Once those words slipped out of his mouth, I felt my stomach drop. Not because of what he said, but because it’s not what I expected to hear. Myself and so many others are used to hearing “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” or “when are you going to finally get a boyfriend?” so I was confused, yet intrigued to figure out what influenced this comment. After asking why, he gave the shortest, and what most would see as an insignificant response.
“Because you don’t need one”
While he’ll never know the impact of that comment, it awakened a sense of peace regarding my thoughts around relationships. It finally occurred to me that I had nothing left to prove. It’s a little unsettling that it took having someone else point out my independence to make it a reality. Whether he realizes it or not, he acknowledged that my adequacy for myself is not dependent on any guy in the room. It’s a feeling that I wish everyone gets the opportunity to experience.
While my journey of independence may be meddled by another individual soon enough, it won’t be because I need it to be, but because I’ll finally want it to be.