We’ve all been there – and if you haven’t, you are probably in a happy, monogamous relationship, and the rest of us are rather jealous. For those among us who find ourselves romantically unattached, however, we have all gotten to that point where we cave and download that dreaded little app onto our phones. Fingers press down on that little “get” button and before we know it, we are busy plugging in our Facebook accounts and trying to write a summary of ourselves in 500 characters or less that make us seem both funny and interesting while not screaming out “desperate” to everyone that reads it. Once we finish describing ourselves in the equivalent of 3.5 tweets, that is when the fun truly begins. But many left swipes and very few actual conversations later, you start to notice some pretty odd patterns. These are eight of the weirdest trends I have come across throughout my Tinder journeys.
1. Man and a Fish
Is there supposed to be a certain appeal to a man holding a dead fish? I might have missed the memo on this one, but it’s not attractive in the slightest. Maybe it’s a metaphor for how good a catch he is? Who knows, because any possible intention is completely lost on me. All I ever see is a goof staring at the camera, sometimes with blood on his arm, holding a (usually) big dead fish, and that doesn’t exactly get my blood pumping. Next, please!
2. Man and a Dead Animal
Closely related to the Man and a Fish is the Man with a Dead Animal, which is even more off-putting than the fish. Maybe it is the city girl in me, but dead animals aren’t sexy. They aren’t masculine. They are sad, and I am not on Tinder to be sad. That is sometimes the outcome, but I don’t want to see things that make me sad right off the bat, and a guy posing with a dead deer doesn’t put me in a happy, right-swiping kind of mood.
3. Professional Headshots
This just reeks of desperation. Maybe he is an actor and has these pictures readily available on his computer at home. I don’t know if he is though, so having professional headshots is just sad. I get it; we are all trying to show off our best side, but there is a line. To be honest, Tinder is the place you go when nothing else has worked, so the ultra glossy, photoshopped pictures make him seem more pathetic.
4. Topless Mirror Pics
I get it. There are plenty of men out there who have nice bodies. Is there anything else to him though? A personality? Hobbies? Common interests? I guess not, because all that I see is picture after picture of abs. I get the appeal, because who doesn’t? But at the same time, I would like to know that the person I might be investing time in is as good at holding a conversation as he is at taking pictures of himself in the bathroom.
5. The Feminist-Hating Man
For my fellow feminists out there, this one can be hard to deal with. I have mentioned that I am a feminist on my profile. I then match with someone, and while not having high expectations, I sure don’t expect the storm that is about to come my way. The messages then start coming in fast, questioning my intelligence and making the assertion that I am an emotional, hormone-driven female who can’t possibly understand anything. Why The Feminist-Hating Man decides to start an argument at all is beyond my comprehension. All you can do is shake your head, unmatch, and not let the hating get you down.
6. The Clingy One
Another one I have found after the conversation starts flowing is the Clingy One. This guy has a tendency to act like we are in a relationship when we just start talking. He messages all the time, and gets angry and upset when I don’t immediately answer. Dude, I just met you and have at least another three conversations on the go. Please back up and give me some space. Please don’t act like my ex before we have even gone on a date.
7. Man and a Tiger
This is one of the most bizarre trends I have come across. Why a tiger? Do men feel powerful when posing next to one? Is it a man thing I haven’t heard about? In any case, all it looks like is that the guy is trying to compensate for something. Tigers that one can take pictures with are drugged and abused, and taking pictures with a dangerous, helpless animal isn’t cool. It is pathetic. How about a good shot with a dog or cat instead?
8. The Group Shot
One of the most frustrating moments on Tinder for me is coming across a profile and asking the question “Which one are you?” Was his goal to confuse every person that came across his profile? Because if it was, mission accomplished! Nothing is more annoying than trying to figure out which guy I am supposed to be focusing on. I want to look at the guy whose profile it is, not his random friends. I didn’t think it was that hard to find a photo featuring yourself, but according to many of the men on Tinder, it is harder than one might imagine.