1. Getting in sketchy white vans at night. Outside of Sewanee, that is not Bacchus.
2. Calling the Sewanee Police when the cable goes out on Superbowl Sunday. Or when you’re locked out of your dorm, or when you need a ride to Waffle House, or when you’re drunk and Bacchus won’t stop and you need a ride back to your room.
3. Handing over your phone when you go to pay for something at a restaurant. The cashier or waiter won’t assume that your card is inside the back of your phone case.
4. Pregaming the pregame. Most civil societies call that “alcoholism”.
5. Going out at 7pm. Eat. Drink. Nap. Repeat. In that order.
6. Going out without money or an ID. Phone? Check. Key card? Check. Camelback full of tequila? Check.
7. Actually abiding by the Honor Code. Try pledging your taxes and see what the IRS says.
8. Spending your entire monthly budget on alcohol, CVS, and Graphic Cow. The essentials, obviously.
9. Living in a dorm for 4 years. AKA living rent-free and having a custodial staff for 4 years.
10. Wearing a gown. No, I’m not Harry Potter, I’m just freaking smart.
11. Shake Day. No explanation needed.
12. Leaving personal belongings in your carrel while you’re away. Your bike will probably get stolen, but at least your laptop will be safe.
13. Preferring to go barefoot over wearing shoes. Because you feel more at home in duPont than in your own room.
14. Dressing up for class and dressing down for going out. Neither of which include wearing heels.
15. Taking your dog everywhere you go. Leashless, lawless, and loveable– whether it’s Walsh or SAE, Sewanee dogs are everywhere.
16. Walking into a room and automatically knowing at least one person you can sit down with. Downside: walking into a room and automatically knowing at least one person you’ve hooked up with.
17. Being at least 3 months behind on pop culture. It’s cool if you still have no idea what Gangham Style is.
18. Posting pictures every time you eat Chick-Fil-A. Because you know nothing will make your friends more jealous.
19. Jaywalking. Helpful hint: in New York City, the cars don’t stop.
20. Living without Walmart. Because all you even really need is Waffle House and a liquor store.
21. Showing up to parties you were not invited to. There’s no such thing as “crashing parties” when there’s not even a guest list.
22. Busting out with a casual “DOWN WITH THE HEATHENS, UP WITH THE CHURCH!” If they’re not Tigers, they’re just heathens. FYSR.