By: Alicia Caffero
“I believe women should be heard!” My friend shouted excitedly towards the only other male in the room. They had been going at it for about an hour and my girlfriends and I were tired of contributing. If any of us tried to speak, a steady beat of “but, b-b-but…. yeah but-“ began soon after, almost as if what we had to say was so extraordinary that it became necessary for them to finish the thought for us.
After a while, we just kept talking when they interrupted. The more we talked, the louder they became. Once conversations switched to politics, there was only screaming on their end. At the height of the hissy fit, the boys sprung to their feet in an instinctive effort to not only be heard, but to be physically seen above everyone else. They quickly sat back down after realizing what they’d done, but we all noticed by then. I guess they got what they wanted, in a way.
This contagious disease of blind douche-baggery can affect yours neighbors, coworkers, and even your closest friends.
One pumped up man can make the whole bunch hot and bothered in a matter of minutes. Even the funniest, pleasant guy friends can become the go-to expert on everything you bring up in conversation. Given the right circumstance, anyone can be susceptible to becoming a Testosteronus Rex.
It’s important to look for the warning signs. If they constantly whine about the evils of white privilege while simultaneously benefiting from white privilege, there could be trouble ahead. Other red flags include saying the band name of a song you just sang, using the words “feminist” and “toxic masculinity” in their every day conversation, and wearing scarves.
At times, conversations can feel impossible. After a particularly unfortunate schedule mix-up, my friends and I went outside to air our grievances. Our guy friend joined us to “handle the situation” by explaining, matter of factly, that I was “uh, kind of a thought leader” and that our workplace had a Manson family-esque mentality. We still don’t know what he meant, but he seemed very concerned.
Being fast on your feet helps when wading through the bullshit of every day interactions. I recently helped an old southern man, and he thanked me by ignoring my very existence to talk to the two men who sat and watched as I struggled to wrangle his four-month old puppy.
Even apologizing is hard to do. If you don’t act fast, they can get distracted over a more important topic like traffic, trees, or that orange on the side of the road. But then again, are they really worth the effort?
I don’t hate men. While this article has been extremely cathartic, I have nothing against most of the people I meet. Many of these are extreme cases from extreme people, but no matter what the reason seems to be that they can’t help it, or they don’t understand. They claim to be sorry for their gender because an apology is most certainly due.
My professor has a saying when a piece has potential, but was ultimately a bust: “The operation was a success, but the patient died.” Well, the entire female population is dead and long decayed, but it’s all in the name of advancement. One day, far in the future, they will learn and we’ll live together in respectful harmony. Probably. But until then, take their behavior with a grain of salt, and laugh about it, because sometimes it gets so ridiculous and tiring that all you can do is laugh.