Forever tired/annoyed/selectively deaf of your parents telling you not to leave your precious baby iPhone lying around? Or to watch that dollar bill hanging out of your pocket? Because you say, “Seriously, Mom, what college student wants my 5s with the scratch on it when they probably have at least six of these in a drawer and an iPhone 17 on the way? I go to college in Iowa? Other than farm animals, do people even steal things in Iowa? They don’t. They definitely don’t, and I don’t own any farm animals.”
Well, typical unsuspecting person, you’re wrong. People here are robbed of things not kept in a barn. How do I know this? (Before you stop to check, I am not your mother).
It happened to me. Not when I was at the mall, not when I was casually strolling down Locust, and not on the dance floor of Carriage Haus. Just a week ago, my iPhone was stolen from the weight room in Lee Lohman.
This is my story.
It was a crisp Sunday afternoon following a night of, um, recreational activities, and my teammates and I headed over to the gym to sweat out the, um, effects of said recreation. I set my prized posessions (phone, keys, wallet) into a cubby before heading out for a short 20 minute run. I returned to Lee Lohman only to find my cubby short of one embarrassingly girly iPhone.
I was without Snapchat for seven days. At night I worried about not being able to live tweet from class or receive group messages transmitting my roommate’s lunch location in the caf. During the day I felt incompetent, hollow and deprived. Consciousness faded in and out as I struggled to exist without my lifeline. Thanks to intensive counseling and the God-given gift of insurance, I’ve begun to reenter society normally as I readjust to the connected life…
KIDDING. I’M KIDDING.
As any 21st century kid would, I did complain about missing out on 7,000 Snap Stories. I didn’t, however, struggle to breathe or go through counseling. This blog is not turning into a new TLC special, “My iPhoneless Life.”
Instead, I wanted to take this opportunity to tell you all that—as many situations will come to show—your mom is right.
After being informed of several other theft cases at the gym earlier this month and receiving campus emails regarding theft from offices, I finally let my mom win this one. Even at St. Ambrose—anywhere, for that matter— students and faculty alike must be aware of their belongings and surroundings at all times.
So here’s your warning, Bees. Love each other, trust each other, but always remember momma didn’t raise no fool.
Hide yo phones, hide yo debit cards, cuz they stealin’ all your Otter Boxes out there.