While riding the Muni down 19th Avenue the other day, I had quite an interesting experience. Since I’ve been taking public transit for almost two semesters now, I thought I had seen it all during my bus rides to school; such as groups of squealing tweens, frantic mothers with wailing kids, and even a breakdown while merging onto the highway. I thought that had been the icing on the cake to my less than luxurious means of transportation. Of course, there was that one jerk on the bus, complaining and whining about how he was going to be late. Well, sorry buddy, but we’re all on the same boat here (or Muni). We’re all going to be late for something. However this next experience was different. It was a sunny day, and people were chatting and minding their own business when this guy got on at Sloat. I paid no attention, until he started talking to himself rather loudly with a string of profanities. It was obvious that he was mentally ill, and I felt bad until his tone of voice rose and a grandmother was forced to cover her grandson’s ears. He continued to complain and insult the bus with his rich vocabulary of swear words until the bus driver finally let him off. Now, my stories aren’t meant to persuade people into avoiding public transport, because most of the time it’s fine. However, there are a couple of times when you should be armed with some tips on to deal with Muni mishaps.
Situation #1: You’re sitting next to that one lady who won’t stop loudly gabbing on her phone. (At this point you know more about her life thank you really should.) Even though it’s perfectly fine for you or others to talk on the phone while riding the bus, there’s always that one person who has a loud and obnoxious conversation going. The best way to deal with this is to try and tune the person out. Put on your headphones, and turn up the volume to your favorite song, or take out a book and read. If that doesn’t work, try closing your eyes and think of a calm and quiet place, like a meadow of flowers or the waves crashing on beach. Pretty soon, you’ll forget about the dramatic monologue of the person crammed next to you.
Situation #2: Someone with the scent of old cheese and dirty feet got on the bus, and you feel like if you have to endure one more whiff of that person you’ll just jump off the bus at the next stop, no matter where it is. This is a more delicate situation, because you don’t want to make a face and clamp you hands over your nose, potentially insulting the person, even though you want to scream, “Hello there’s a thing called deodorant!”. The most effective way to deal with this person who lacks personal hygiene is to move away from them as far as possible. If it’s crowded and you can’t move to the back, open a few windows to get the fresh air coming in. If that doesn’t work, try casually resting the side of your face on your hand to block the scent. And if you’re that unfortunate individual sitting or standing next to that person, it’s a bit more tricky. If you happen to have some hand sanitizer or lotion with you, take a liberal amount and rub in your hands, waving them around a bit to diffuse the air. And lastly, if it really is that bad, try holding your breath in intervals, but remember to take a couple breaths once in awhile. You don’t want to pass out on the Muni!
Situation #3: A less than sane person boards the bus and argues with himself and the bus driver. This is the type of scenario where you do absolutely nothing. Chances are, if the guy is action angry, or annoyed for some reason, everyone on the bus is going to be ignoring him and staring very hard at their shoes. You should follow suit and avoid confrontation. An attempt to tell this guy can chill could end in vain, so you’re better off keeping to yourself. The bus driver will either kick the guy off or he’ll eventually cool down or get off at the next stop.
Situation #4: Some drunken guy is creepily staring at you. Even though this has hasn’t personally happened to me, this is a potential situation that can easily occur while traveling in the city. If this guy is making your hair stand on end, try moving to a different seat and looking straight ahead outside the window. If he continues to stare or talk to you in a unpleasant way and your hints of back off aren’t working, then it might be a good idea to get off at the next stop and then just wait for the next bus. To try and avoid this situation, I would advise you against riding a bus in the Mission or Tenderloin after dark, and if you have to, bring a friend with you, and be aware of your surroundings. Be smart and safe of your actions. You don’t want to be waving your valuables or phone around, begging to be mugged.
If you ever encounter any of these events on the Muni, then hopefully I’ll have provided you with some good tips and tricks to ensure that your outing on the Muni is absent of awkward situations and mishaps alike.