Name: Ian John
Year: 2017
Hometown: Memphis, TN
Campus Involvement: Order of the Lynx, Delta Epsilon Iota
HCR: Who is your celebrity doppleganger?
IJ: Have you ever seen Parks and Recreation? I’m pretty sure me and Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) were separated at birth.
HCR: If you could invent anything what would it be?
IJ: Car windows that roll upward instead of down; that way you could open your window without having the wind mess up your hair.
HCR: What three items would you take with you to a desert island?
IJ: My iphone, a backup battery, and then a back up battery to that backup battery. You’re probably sensing theme here.
HCR: If you had to listen to one song on repeat for the rest of your life what would it be?
IJ: Saviour, King by Hillsong….
Or, Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-A-Lot.
Its really a toss up, you know.
HCR: If you could commit any crime without being caught what would it be?
IJ: Steal as many Netflix passwords as possible and then just cycle through them in case some people decide to change their passwords on you. That way, you have continuous supply of free accounts. I mean, let’s be honest, the real crime are the people who don’t want to share.
That being said, I have currently been getting away with this “crime” from about 5 different people, without them knowing, so… my plan does work, in case you were wondering.
HCR: Romantic getaway: the mountains or the beach?
IJ: Definitely, the mountains, for the cool crisp air, the beautiful view and the feeling of adventure. That, and the fact that I don’t tan so well at beaches. I literally change colors from brown to black the longer I stay in the sun. So, getting back to the very first question, chameleons are also my doppelganger.
HCR: What is your favorite pickup line?
IJ:“Hey girl, do you believe in love at first sight….Or should I walk by again?”
For some weird reason, this line almost never works.
HCR: Which male actor are you man-crushing on?
IJ: He is not an actor per say, but part of my life goals is to become Tom Brady. Not only is he unearthly good-looking, but he is also one of the greatest quarterbacks ever. I can’t prove it, but I’m also pretty sure he is a demi-god from the same kingdom Thor is from. So, obviously, the real question is, who is not man-crushing on him.
HCR: And lastly, I’m sure our readers are dying to know, are you currently crushing on anyone?
IJ: Well, with the crush I currently have, its complicated. You see, she used to call me on my cell phone, late at night when she needed my love. And I personally know, that when that hotline bling, it could’ve only meant one thing. However, when I left the city, she, and I just didn’t get along anymore. So currently, the relationship kinda sucks right now. So I don’t know where that relationship is going…. probably, nowhere. Or probably down in history as the greatest memes ever created.