I get that some pickup lines can be sweet and meaningful, but I’m a cynical person with a twisted sense of humor. There’s a special place for anti-pickup lines in my mind so I want to share some of these pickup lines with you. You’ll find some of these anti-pickup lines are a little sick—even I was surprised when thinking about what I would say in response to some of them. Believe it or not, what you will read has been toned down to near normalcy (in my opinion).
Without further ado, here are anti-pickup lines that should work for most guys that can’t- and won’t- take a hint.
1. Them: Wanna get married?
You: Yes.
2. Them: Want to come to my place?
You: I’m not really interested in meeting your mom.
3. Them: Can I have your number?
You: Can I have your social security?
4. Them: Have you ever thought about being a model?
You: Yeah, but they have a thing about ex-convicts being models.
5. Them: I lost my number, can I have yours?
You: My shoe size is ___.
6. Them: Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material.
You: It looks like a cheap cotton polyester blend.
7. Them: I’m not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.
You: Good thing you’re not a photographer, your aesthetic sense is really off.
8. Them: If God made anything more beautiful than you, I’m sure he’d keep it for himself.
You: Heretic.
9. Them: Do you live in a cornfield, cause I’m stalking you.
You: I see the feeling is mutual then Bob (act creepy obsessive and make up random stuff about them regardless of how they try to insist it isn’t true)
10. Them: I’m not a hoarder but I really want to keep you forever.
You: I also want to keep your rotting body in my basement.
11. Them: Do I know you? Cause you look exactly like my next girlfriend.
You: Did you just assume my gender?
12. Them: I’m no organ donor but I’d be happy to give you my heart.
You: Yay! I’ll save it as a snack!
13. Them: Was your dad a boxer? Cause you’re a knockout!
You: No, but my mom was a hitman and knows how to make people disappear.
14. Them: Are you a campfire? Cause you are hot and I want s’more.
You: Sure, I can set you on fire! What are you doing tomorrow?
15. Them: Are you a banana? Because I find you a-peeling.
You: Ha ha, that’s funny because you remind me of a bruised banana.
16. Them: Aye, shawty!
You: Wow. What effort.
17. Them: Can you spare me a minute?
You: Not unless I want to waste it.
18. Them: Dang, girl, you are fine!
You: Dang, boy, you are not!
Most pickup lines were derived from http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com/cheesy.html while all the responses are from the mind of yours truly.