Nowadays, with the 50% divorce rate in America, it can seem as though love is lost and chivalry is dead. But is it possible that there are a great number of relationships that had the potential to go all the way and make it past the finish line, but… just didn’t, somehow? The Five Love Languages was a very well-known book written by author Gary Chapman in 1995 that addressed this issue by revealing the ways in which different people express love.
If you’re asking yourself how this would ever be relevant in any real way, consider this: a significant reason as to why people are unhappy in relationships is because they either feel unappreciated and unloved or they feel that their own efforts go unappreciated. In order for a relationship to be successful, it is absolutely crucial to recognize how you and your partner differ; it may very well be the case that even if you yourself may not find a certain love language very important, the other person may require it to be fulfilled.
Although there is truly no guaranteed quick fix to making something as complex and dynamic as a relationship work no matter what, understanding the various love languages is definitely a start to better comprehending both your significant other as well as yourself.
1. Words of Affirmation
One way to express love is through the things you say and there is undeniably tremendous impact in verbal communication. For people who identify with this love language, compliments and words of appreciation go a very long way. These can be anything from “You look great today” to the classic “I love you.”
2. Quality Time
This one involves giving someone your undivided attention and sharing experiences together. It is often not good enough to simply sit beside them on the couch while streaming Netflix shows, because in that scenario, the object of your attention is the TV. So, a nice way to make a person who speaks this language happy is to go on walks with them, eat dinner with them while discussing your days and to try to stay off your phone when in their presence.
3. Gifts
Pretty self-explanatory. Although the culture has evolved to make it seem as though people who like receiving gifts are materialistic and superficial, this is not necessarily true at all. The thing is, if you’re dating someone who genuinely love gifts, they don’t need to be extravagant or expensive because it’s not really the gift itself that makes them happy – it’s the principle behind the gift; the fact that the person they care about thought about them.
4. Acts of Service
Personally, this is the love language that I prefer the most; it’s how I like to receive and show affection. Acts of service mean doing things you know that your spouse wants you to do or would enjoy. Think things like cooking a meal, putting the toilet seat down or running an errand. These are really expressions of love because they require effort, time and energy.
5. Physical Touch
Again, very self-explanatory. But physical touch can entail touching someone on their arm, giving them a hug when they’re stressed or holding their hand. Numerous experimental studies have revealed that babies who are held more ended up leading healthier emotional lives as adults. Thus, it’s no surprise that even in relationships, humans feel emotionally closer to a person when they are physically close to as well.
So, there you have it.
Which love languages are yours?
Which love languages are your partners?
Good luck.