You walk into the classroom and see your crush lounging in his seat, twirling his pencil and staring at his notebook. There’s a very strong tic in your leg muscles that urges you to walk on over to him and sit in the empty seat beside him. But alas, your fear of looking clingy prevails, and you instead watch as his guy friend sits beside him. But wait! You don’t have to give up in despair; that friend of his, the one who is sitting beside him, is also in your next class. And that means…you have a potential wingman!
I can’t be the only girl who has gone through the entire aforementioned process! There’s definitely a paragraph somewhere in A Girl’s Guide to Flirting (if anyone wants to co-author this with me, give me a holler) that discusses the many options available to shy girls like me. One option that many girls have available to them – but hesitate to utilize – is asking a friend to act as a wingman. Here, I will discuss some benefits and disadvantages to using wingmen, and then you will be able to make an informed choice when you next need to flirt your way into someone’s heart.
The Benefits of Using a Wingman:
1. They know you well enough to advertise your many virtues for you
No one wants to appear boastful. Somewhere along the line, declaring our beauty, intelligence, maturity, poise, etc. were categorized as vanity. I mean, it was fine when our apelike ancestors beat their chests and swung clubs at each other to win their lady loves, but nowadays, modesty is much preferred. Assuming you choose a wingman wisely, he or she will know you well enough to bring you up in any conversation while giving you a huge ego boost at the same time. And if your crush is good-enough friends with the wingman, he will probably be listening and considering you as a potential date.
2. You spare yourself the embarrassment of rejection
Let’s be honest: no one likes facing rejection. And with a wingman campaigning for you, you suddenly don’t have to! Let your friend covertly find out how your crush feels about you. If the response is “I think he’s interested in you,” then your path is clear. If not, you can always either try to win your crush over in another way or let it go. There are always other fish in the sea, right?
3. Your crush will not suspect that you set the scenario up
Assuming your wingman is subtle enough, your crush does not need to ever realize that you were the mastermind behind Mission Wingman. Contrary to popular belief, guys do not think that all girls are lining up to fall at their feet (Note: if you are a guy who does think so, it might be time to have an attitude makeover). Your crush probably has no idea that you even like him or her, and a wingman will hide your intentions better than if you asked your crush out on a date on your own.
But many people oppose using wingmen for purposes of dating. Alex, a senior at Pitt, says: “Wingmen are for girls who are afraid of rejection. Well, guys are afraid of rejection as well, but girls still expect us to go out there and take the lead. Maybe girls should ‘woman up’ and take the lead for a change.”
This is a view that more and more guys are adopting. As a girl who hesitates to take the lead in such situations, I would personally opt for a wingman, but perhaps it is time for me to stop being so – as my friend puts it – “grandma-esque.” In the 21st Century, where women and men hold equal rights and feminism has a strong grasp on society, it seems ridiculous that we are so nervous about a simple thing like asking a guy out on a date. After all, rejection is the worst that can happen.
Here are some reasons people are steering away from utilizing wingmen in the dating scene. Take a look.
The Disadvantages to Using a Wingman:
1. Welcome to the 21st Century, where women do their own work!
Like I said before, rejection is the worst thing that can happen if you ask a guy out on a date. I have watched numerous friends ask boys out; some have been rejected, but they did not let the rejection change their self-perception. Every guy out there doesn’t have to like you, and it is unfair for us girls to blame them for that. We are all mature adults; why not try and play the dating field like mature adults – without wingmen to aid us?
2. Does your wingman have your best interests at heart?
The first way of preventing backstabbing by your wingman, in my opinion, is to choose a wingman of the same gender as your crush. Why? Well, it will eliminate the likelihood of your crush crushing on your friend. The sad truth is, you can never guarantee that your crush doesn’t find your friend more attractive – either looks or personality-wise – than you, and this is the surest way of guarding against any betrayal or conflict of interest.
3. It is a roundabout way of finding out something you could just find out in a simple conversation.
Because in the end, all you have to do is say “hey, would you like to grab food sometime soon?” or “hey, I like you. Any chance you like me back?” Trust me; once the words are out of your mouth, the ball is in his court. If he misses his return shot, well, you won the match anyways and girl, you can do so much better!