I have been in all sorts of living situations since my first year at Pitt, (haven’t we all?) for example, freshman year I lived in a quad in Holland, then sophomore year I stayed in a one-bedroom apartment, and quickly learned that was far too expensive. Junior year I lived in a house with three friends, and—finally—I moved in with my boyfriend who has been around to witness all of these interesting relocations. However, that is a story for a different time.
From these various living experiences, rooming with close friends has been the most delicate. No one wants to jeopardize friendships over petty roommate drama; and unfortunately in some cases it simply doesn’t work out.
But I’m here to show you ways to facilitate an almost sane roommate dynamic!
1. Talk about your ideal housing situation when you first move in. Have a conversation about what type of environment will make you happiest, and why certain aspects are important to you. This will help you empathize with each other and shed light on ways in which you can keep the peace.
2. Clean up after yourself—no “ifs, ands, or buts” about it. Who wants to live with a moving mess? Your bedroom can be as disorganized as your heart desires. However, when it comes to common space have the courtesy to keep it organized and clean. The kitchen is where life gets tricky. I know that no one—and I mean no one—likes doing dishes, but you have to just do them anyways.
3. Be mindful of each other’s schedules. If you know your roommate has to get up early in the morning, be polite and take the party elsewhere. Although you may not have anything important in the morning, that doesn’t mean your roommates don’t. Post your schedules on the fridge, and take the time to let each other know when you have a lot on your plate. Chances are they will be more considerate if they know up front rather than finding out through passive aggressive text messages from the next room. I understand this may not always be possible, but remember that both parties need to do their share of compromising.
4. It’s all about the little things. Do something nice for your roommates once in a while. There were quite a few times my roommates baked cookies, brought home coffee, or made dinner for me. And guess what? It made my day infinitely more pleasant. Nothing can ease roommate tension better than a batch of freshly baked sweets.The one regret I have is not returning the favor as much as I should have. Being a generous roommate rarely ever bites you in the ass.
5. Don’t be passive-aggressive. The way you approach your issues affects the environment of the entire household. So rather than making snide remarks about your roommate and her significant other having loud sex every morning, just confront each other and talk about it as level-headed as you can. Honestly, I think this is the hardest part about living with your friends. Telling them you have a problem with the way they live is extremely difficult, but it’s better than holding it in and letting tension build. I have yet to master this part of co-habitation with friends.
So, if it’s only the third week of this living situation and you’re already on the verge of an epic battle with each other, take these tips into consideration before everyone is miserable. Remember why you thought you could live with this person in the first place. Then either 1) continue to regret your decision, or 2) face your problems head-on and have a much better experience. If a friendship can survive living together, it can survive anything.
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