Here at Her Campus Pitt, we are hopeless romantics. We have all played a round or two in the dating game and have the relationship advice columns to prove it. At my very first meeting for the club, someone said something that I found interesting and possibly (embarrassingly) true:
Every time you walk out the door, you expect to meet them—your one true love. So you have your hair done nice just in case the person who is sitting next to you in the library will be sitting next to you again in a rocking chair someday. Your French conversation partner might become your life partner, and every person you see has possibility in them. You get the gist.
Now, don’t think we are like this because we are desperate or weak. We aren’t lonely. Anyone who sees us out on a Friday night will know that we aren’t the type to relentlessly chase after someone. We also aren’t the type to spend the night at home crying over them. We know that just because a guy might have asked us to dance in their frat’s basement doesn’t mean we’ll be sharing our first dance as a married couple at our beachside wedding with him.
We are on the lookout for Mr. Right because it is what we are told to do. For instance, how many of our parents repeatedly tell us that they met in college, and we are constantly told about statistics on high school versus college sweethearts. I remember the rumor circulating on campus that ¾ of Pitt students meet their future spouses here—not true. You can’t even escape it off-campus—you go home for a weekend and, suddenly, all anyone can ask is,
“Meet any nice boys at college?”
“No, Grandma, but this one says he can get me into Hemingway’s!” (Kidding, I swear.)
We aren’t the only girls thinking like this. In a study conducted by Norval Glenn and Elizabeth Marquardt entitled “Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right: College Women on Dating and Mating Today,” Glenn and Marquardt reported that 63 percent of the women surveyed agreed that college is the time when they would like to meet their future husband.
At first glance, this seems logical enough. But then, think about all the other things a female college student is working on getting at school besides a possible mate: Dean’s List, fellowship awards, recommendations from the right people, organization chairs, internships, job offers, A DEGREE.
That’s already a full plate, but only 29 percent of the national survey respondents agreed to the statement: “When I look ahead five or ten years, it is hard to see how marriage fits in with my other plans.” The majority of us are rather hopeful that somewhere between our four-hour chemistry lab and our 12-hour shifts at some dump that pays us minimum wage, we will be meeting Mr. or Ms. Right.
Yet, the odds don’t look to be stacked in our favor. Since 1980, women have outnumbered men attending college, and a lot of the men here leave you wanting more—more as in commitment. Either you or a friend have probably been in a situation where a guy will be with a girl, take every perk that comes with having a girlfriend, but refuse to make it an official relationship. Also, 1/3 of the women Glenn and Marquardt surveyed said that they had been asked out on two dates or fewer. Young couples just “hang out” instead of going on dates. It’s cheaper, easier, and has less commitment. The survey also highlights the effects the emergence of co-ed dorms have had on dating culture. The question, “Do you want to come back to my place after this,” can now be answered with, “Sure, I live there, too.”
I’m not trying to say that we will be a generation of spinsters and bachelors. The median age of marriage for women today is 27 years old. This is the highest it has ever been. In 1970, when some of our parents might have been marrying, it was only 23.7 years old. Consider, too, the fact that the average time spent dating someone before marriage today is 3.6 years. 27 minus 3.6 equals 23.4. Adhering to both of those statistics, the average age for a woman to meet her future spouse is 23.4, and most women graduate college before their 23rd birthday. If my calculations are correct, you won’t be finding your one true love on campus or anytime soon (sorry).
So finish up your thesis, and keep those eyes on what is really important—your education. When Grandma or Aunt Susie bugs you again about your relationship status, put this article in with your family’s next holiday card.
Satisfyingly Single,
Danielle Fox
http://www.americanvalues.org/html/r-hooking_up.html
http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/acs-13.pdf
Photo Credit: http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DkBGc7ZfYwI/UEm2ms1fmsI/AAAAAAAAAyY/pzWFdTnX66E/s1600/funny-bride-groom.jpg