Let’s just lay the cards on the table: the “chase” is the most fun part of a relationship. The ongoing wonder of whether he’s thinking of you, whether she’s telling her friends about you and what they think, or whether they want to talk to you as much as you do—this is where the spark all originates from. Well, there is no denying that this pre-relationship time is the most exciting part, but there is a fine line between playing “hard to get” and playing it all wrong. It all has to do with communication; every form of it.
Communication:
The argument of which sex is more confusing has been an ongoing battle, probably since the beginning of time. I’m not going to generalize and make the statement that every guy says that women are confusing, but it seems like the majority of men would agree that they have a pretty hard time figuring out what women want. I for one expect the guy to read my mind. When he doesn’t do what I wanted him to do, by knowing my thoughts without me telling him, I get upset. Confused? Yeah, so was every guy I’ve ever dated, which is just another one of the multiple reasons as to why I’m still single.
Verbal Communication vs. Nonverbal Communication
So, there are two main types of communication: verbal and nonverbal. And believe it or not even nonverbal communication such as giving someone the “silent treatment” is communicating a message. One main reason that it’s so tough to master the art of these two forms of interaction is because the specific message you are sending may not be received the way you intended it to be. This is where all the trouble starts. So as I was writing this article, I decided to test it out. I was sitting with HC Pitt’s own former Campus Cutie Zack Greenfield and we decided to do a little experiment. He grabbed the spoon I was holding, and whereas I took it as him wanting to hold my hand, he actually just wanted the spoon so he could take a bite of my ice cream. Figures. Something as simple as one little gesture can create false ideas in someone’s head and THAT is where the trouble starts. This form of communication is more difficult to master because you have to be very direct with your actions; and even then you can never be certain that your message will be received correctly each time.
Flirting:
I thought flirting had to have it’s own section because the rules and ways to go about flirting are endless. One thing that is important to address when trying to catch your crush is jealousy. Everyone has tried at one point or another to make his or her crush jealous. Jealousy is just another physical way that depicts the message that someone cares about you. The problem with this strategy is that sometimes “flirting” with other guys in front of your beau can be too over the top and can make your actual crush think you aren’t into them at all, because you seem so interested in others around you without giving your crush any attention. Again, this is a very common but very big miscommunication. So, I say we take that advice and warp it into a better working strategy. Instead of trying to make your wannabe BF jealous by flirting with other guys, try making yourself not as available. Let him see that you have other guys who are competing for time to hang out with you. This allows him to see that he’s got competition without the sight of you falling all over another guy.
Verbal Communication:
Unlike touching and flirting, verbal communication can be completely direct if used correctly. Rather than misinterpreting a simple touch, speak out and say, “Hey, I want some ice cream.” This is where you can easily slip over the line of ‘playing hard to get’ into “playing it wrong” territory. Girls typically confuse guys because many of us don’t usually say directly what we want. In fact, actually saying what we want takes a lot of courage because it’s letting someone into your real thoughts. For example, I may think after a long day “Hey, I had a horrible day. Take me out to dinner so I don’t have to cook.” Instead of being upset and fighting because you end up cooking like any other night, say, “Hey, let’s take the night off and order some Chinese takeout.” Although there are a few candidates out there who can pick up on these miniscule signals we send, the hint seems to slip by most. This is where direct verbal communication is key to your success. This goes for guys too. The power is in your hands, or rather in your words. Don’t hold back with your feelings or you’ll just end up feeling regret. Don’t wait for the right time because there will never be an absolute perfect moment. Don’t completely pour your heart out to a crush, but once in awhile throw out a flirty compliment like, “Wow, you look beautiful tonight,” or something along those lines. Remember, you want to keep them guessing, but you have to give them enough information to lead them down the right path. As for catching your crush, it’s like fishing: cast out the line (meaning put yourself out there, let it be known that you’re into them) and then slowly reel them in. Remember this is the most fun part of a relationship and you don’t want to rush through it!