If you’ve ever had sex before, you know that it’s nothing like what they show on TV. It’s fast, it’s messy, and sometimes, it’s just damn awkward. Here are a few of those moments movies like to ~conveniently~ leave out:
Getting Undressed
I don’t know about you, but I pay good money for my clothes, so I’m not into getting them torn off my body. I’m also not all that coordinated when excitedly rushing, so the bra I put on in two seconds this morning is now taking way longer to get unhooked and he just can’t seem to get his belt unbuckled…we’ve all been there.
Foreplay
Somehow, movies always get right to the sex. I’m sorry but my vagina isn’t just sitting in a perpetual state of wetness. I need to get a little warmed up before I’m ready to go, but some guys are quick to skip this step. Just because it’s not shown on TV doesn’t mean it’s not important, boys!
Finding a Condom
In the movies, the guy always seems to have a condom conveniently nearby whenever necessary. In real life though, this is not the case. If you’ve ever found yourself in a situation where one of you is fumbling around in the dark for a rubber while the other waits patiently on the bed, you’re not alone.
Putting On the Condom
So now that you’ve found a condom, the real fun begins. You’ve gotta get that little package open without ripping what’s inside, then slide that puppy on in the dark with sticky fingers and frantic hands. You both just want to get going ASAP but you can’t rush if you want to be sure you’re protected. But have I ever seen any of my favorite characters struggle with this? Nope.
Lube?
Whoever said, “If you need lube, you’re doing it wrong,” was the one in the wrong here. We all have different bodies and some just produce more wetness than others, and that’s OK! But if you’re with a new partner or perhaps it’s your first time, you may not both know what your body needs. This situation never seems to be a problem in movies…
Pulling Out
Do I really need to explain this one? He has to hold onto that condom carefully. It’s weird being careful after what the two of you just did. No movie characters ever seem to be concerned about this though.
Clean Up
After the excitement and glow of sex, the novelty wears off and you feel all that sweat and grossness. I want to clean up a bit and have a glass of water at least. Movies though, everyone just falls asleep. Not gonna happen.
One thing the movies do get right though? That if it’s done safely and consensually, sex can be a really great thing.
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