You know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach sometimes? The one where it feels like the bottom just dropped out and you could fall straight through it to the center of the Earth? It’s that feeling you get when something that you were planning on going your way doesn’t pan out at all the way you had hoped. It’s that feeling you get when that cute guy from biology class, who you’ve thought was cute for almost a year now says he met an amazing girl over the summer, and you realize that your ship has sailed. Or, maybe it was about an internship that you were killing yourself to get and they chose someone else. It could even be when you don’t get a bid to the sorority you wanted and you feel confused and hurt. I’m talking about the gut wrenching, heart dropping and sometimes mind-blowing sense of rejection.
This being said there are ways to deal with the feeling, without wanting the world to end:
1. It’s OK to get mad or sad!
This is NORMAL. This is HEALTHY. When you feel these emotions after a battle with rejection don’t smother them, suppress them, or turn them away. Your body wants you to feel these things because it is a way for it to relieve the stress it has build up. If you want to scream, grab a pillow and scream. If you want to cry, let your tears flow. There will be a time to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, but for right now, right after the denial of whatever it was that made you feel this way, just allow yourself to feel these emotions. This could take a few hours or maybe even a few days depending on how much the thing/person that rejected you meant to you and this is OK; in the words of Elsa, “Let it Go.”
2. Take a deep breath and rationalize.
It’s time to clear your head and think. Let’s return back to my previous mention of the cute guy in biology for an example. Why did you like him? What were some qualities about him that maybe weren’t so attractive? This seems harsh but when you are looking at something through rose-colored glasses, it is hard to see faults and possibly the truth sometimes. Now that the glasses are off, it might be easier to see some less desirable qualities about the person and why maybe it is a good thing you didn’t wind up with them. You may ask yourself if this means you can still be friends with the person. Do you really want to be? These are some important questions to ask yourself, and be honest! Remember this is YOUR life, live it for YOU, not for anyone else! Think about your feelings and listen to them.
3. This isn’t the end of the world.
Step three is to begin to move on. This is not the be-all and end-all of your life. There will be other relationships, other internships, other jobs, other opportunities, so don’t let this one instance ruin your confidence or outlook on life or the world. Take the time to realize that though it’s OK to be upset, you shouldn’t let yourself become consumed with anger or sorrow; it just isn’t worth it. Life is a journey and though there may be bumps in the road, it will always even out and continue on. You will move on, and things will become normal again.
4. Finally, find something new to occupy your mind.
Take your mind off of the rejection to find something new to occupy your mind. Take up a new hobby or learn a new skill that you can share with your friends. Find something that will make you happy and make you a better person. Focus on your studies, try exercising, have a girls night. Whatever it is, do something for YOU that will enrich your soul. It may not be foolproof and it may not take your mind completely off of what happened, surrounding yourself with positivity and love will make it easier for you to forget.
Rejection is part of life. It is completely unavoidable and it just sucks, but if we can figure out ways to soften the blow, it becomes much more manageable. Remember that you’re not alone, everyone has experienced this feeling, and people will continue to experience it till the sun burns out. The only thing we can do is learn from it, grow from it, and definitely not let it make us live in fear. Never let rejection stand in the way of your ultimate goals no matter what they are. J.K Rowling was rejected 12 times before Harry Potter was published but she carried on, and we know the rest of the story. So, in the words of Bo Bennett, “A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.”
Keep your head up and good luck.