That moment when you first realize that you have feelings for someone hits everyone differently. It can be any combination of exciting, scary, frustrating, nerve-wracking, or pure elation. These days though, there are so many ways that we connect and communicate that it can be hard to know how fast a relationship is moving in real time. Texting for hours does not equate to talking for hours. And just exactly how will that late night hook up translate to the next day? Relationships in college can have really blurry lines that feelings only serve to make blurrier. While having feelings for someone should feel like a positive thing, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes, one person can develop feelings that are stronger, or come on faster than the other person’s. No matter which side of the feeling spectrum you’re on, things can get uncomfortable and complicated really fast. There are certain ways things should be handled in order to make the situation easier on both parties.
If your feelings are stronger
Let’s be honest-you can try to be as unbiased as you want, but having more feelings for someone than they have for you hurts more than the other way around. Maybe you found out the guy you’ve been seeing is also seeing other people, or maybe you took a risk and told him you wanted more but he didn’t feel the same way. These kinds of events can leave you feeling super sad, embarrassed, angry, or not good enough. But you shouldn’t ever feel bad for having genuine feelings for someone. A lot of people are afraid to let themselves experience emotions; it is those that are honest with themselves that come out of situations stronger than they were before. If you end up feeling more for somebody than they feel for you, take it as a learning experience. Let it make you more confident in your future conquests as opposed to more guarded. As with many things in life, the effects that trials have on you are largely dependent on your perspective. If the guy you fell for is a big part of your life, decide if you want to be friends right away, or if you think it would be easier to take a break from him.
There is nothing wrong with needing space from someone. In fact, I have found it beneficial to not contact a guy who has hurt me because doing so always takes me back to square one. In many cases, it may seem like the guy who turned you down is the only one that can make you feel better, so you will instinctually want to call him. But seeking comfort from him may only make the hurt last longer. I’m not saying you should ignore him, but giving yourself time to heal is crucial. That way, the next time you meet somebody, you will be ready to find a connection that runs strong both ways.
If his feelings are stronger
It’s flattering when somebody has feelings for you-it makes you feel wanted and special. But how you react to a person’s feelings for you needs to be true to what is in your own heart. If you find out your guy has fallen head over heels for you, and you are still trying to figure out where you’re at, don’t make feelings up just because you feel bad or because you think there is a possibility that you might eventually feel the same way. Leading someone on is never the answer. Sometimes in our subconscious, we want to hang on to a person just in case nothing better comes along. As hard as this may be to admit to ourselves, everyone does it to some extent. But it isn’t fair to the other person.
If the dude you’ve been hanging out with wants to take things to the next level, but you don’t, be straight up with him and stick to your decision. Being that girl who turns a guy down, but drunkenly calls him the next weekend isn’t a good idea. Not only are you sending mixed messages, but people will begin to not take you seriously. When you turn someone down, you should be sweet and cordial, making sure that your intentions are known. And as a general rule, you should oblige to whatever their needs are to get over you. If they ask you to give them space, don’t text them the next day to see how they’re doing. If they still want to hang out as friends, don’t do something like watch a movie or go dancing. Do something where physical contact won’t be an issue, like grabbing lunch or going to the library together. Letting someone down is never easy, but sometimes it’s just a part of life.
Photo Sources:
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http://images.askmen.com/dating/doclove_400/475_doc-love-maintain-challenge-when-you-have-a-crush_flash.jpg
http://www.onlinedating.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/turndown.jpeg
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Marissa Tomko is a sophomore at the University of Oregon, and is originally from Salt Lake City, Utah. She is majoring in Journalism with a minor in Women’s and Gender Studies. Always full of energy, she enjoys being active, dancing, laughing at everything, drinking copious amounts of coffee, and spending time with friends. She has a lot of plans for the future, including becoming a scuba diving instructor, traveling, and fulfilling her dream of working for a magazine. If you ever try to say hi to her on campus and she doesn’t respond, don’t feel bad – her music is just up way too loud. Follow her on Twitter @tomkoiscool.