Facebook, whether you like it or not, is the bread and butter of any student experience. Getting
invited to events, the dreaded tags in photos from last night, inevitably getting ‘fraped’ and wasting
hours ‘stalking’ the cute boy from your seminar: it’s why we love Zuckerberg’s invention. There is,
however, an etiquette that needs to be adhered to so that newsfeeds everywhere are saved from
oversharers, the vain, the attention seekers and the cringe inducing!
1. The Relationship Status
There seems to be that one couple that keeps breaking up and getting back together again,
sometimes in the space of only half an hour. There is also the girl that jumps boyfriends and
is ‘soooo in love’ with every single one of them. Your relationship shouldn’t be about you
and your 500 Facebook friends. This obvious attention seeking isn’t cool. Keep your issues
with your lover or ex-lover private.
2. The ‘Poke’
This is the Facebook equivalent of pulling my pigtails in the school playground because you
apparently fancy me. It wasn’t cool then and it isn’t cool now.
3. ‘Checking In’
Facebook is all about keeping your friends (even the obscure ones) updated with your life.
Checking in at the airport is always a good one when you’re about to fly off to somewhere
hot. Checking in ‘to your warm cosy bed’ is a bit too much information. It can also be risky
because your Facebook friends who you don’t actually know, know where you are and can
come looking.
4. ‘Sharing’
Sharing your new profile picture 5 times a day just shows how desperate you are for likes. It
also doesn’t help when you are extremely pretty and make the rest of us feel inferior to your
perfect skin and perfect hair.
5. Unnecessary Wall Posts
This includes declaring your love for your boyfriend, talking to your housemate who is
upstairs or just causing arguments. It seems that we have lost the ability to talk to each
other without it being made public knowledge! I would just like to remind you of the mobile
phone which can be used to send text messages and make phone calls.
6. Instagram photos
I’m not going to lie, Instagram is a great invention. It magically makes you look so much
prettier than you are in real life. But Instagram has sparked a revival of the Myspace mirror
photo, which back in 2004 was considered vain and now in 2012, I’m sorry to say that it still
is.
7. Mugshots
We all have that one friend who turns into a photographer on a night out and has the
amazing ability to capture our worst sides. It is the fear of said photos being uploaded whilst
you’re trapped in a lecture hall feeling slightly hungover and your blackberry won’t let you
untag, which is just unbearable. And quite frankly whether you upload them or just keep
them on your computer, it is bullying.
8. The Drunken Status
“Wooooo Crisis with my fave gals, soooo wasfrsted right now lollll!!” You want everyone
to know that you are having the best time at uni but the “Omg I am so ddrunkl right now”
status is a bit of a cringe. And for future reference, drunk or not, use spell check.
9. Song Lyrics to describe how you feel.
There was a point after Christmas this year when Santa stuffed everyone’s stockings with
Ed Shereen’s album, only for his beautiful lyrics to clog up my newsfeed for the whole of
January. You might want to be ‘drunk when you wake you wake up on the wrong side of the
right bed’, just don’t claim Ed’s lyrics as your own thoughts.
10. Perfecting your pose
Hand on hip (to avoid fat arms), bending the knee (to elongate your legs- I think), and the
pout (because smiling is too much to ask). Mix your photo poses up a bit! It gets boring
looking through your tagged photos when you only ever pull one face!
Just think when we’re in our 30-odd years, we can look back at our Facebook profiles as time
capsules of our youth, documenting our time at university with hilarious photos and friendships that
might be forgotten after graduation… Don’t make your Facebook profile something you’ll look back
on and regret!