Words to live by.
I was born with a knife in my hand and love in my soul. I could dice fifty tomatoes in thirty minutes flat and make sure each and every one of them felt my love. At the same time, I could put together a bicycle and when it fell apart I could piece it back together with thoughtful words of encouragement. I was raised to love myself, because I am beautiful, no matter who may say otherwise. I was taught that my smile lights up the room the way that the sun illuminates the earth each morning. If a smile is contagious, I may as well have influenza and be in quarantine. If the angels in heaven left a voicemail, my voice would be what you would hear when you bring the phone up to your ear. I am perfect.
My mother taught me to be confident in every single thing I do, whether it be terribly practicing karate or completely butchering a painting. If somebody attempted to put me down in my abilities, looks, or personality, it was because they were jealous. I went through life with a “Gretchen Weiners mentality,” unable to help it that everybody is so jealous of me. But, that’s what it comes down to in the end. Those who are the meanest are usually those with the most envy and hate in their souls. They’re the ugly ones, because their ugly hearts made it so. I thought my mother was ridiculous for inferring that even the most seemingly popular individuals were envious of me. What did I have to offer that they did not? Upon pondering this issue, I realized it was confidence that that they envied so greatly. It wasn’t that I was actually better than anybody, it was that everything I did, I did so with confidence in my abilities, even if said abilities involved being obnoxiously annoying.
Marilyn knows what’s up.
My mother’s teachings of confidence did not stop with me. My brother gave me two tips when I started high school: “never talk to me and always walk with your head up.” I never questioned him because I knew he knew better than I about almost everything. I managed to obey the first, only talking to him when I needed a quarter to buy a cookie at lunch or when one of his creepy friends tried talking to me on my walk home. But, if my brother ever said something wise in his entire life, it was the second rule he gave me. Everyday, I walked with my head up high. It doesn’t really seem like a big deal, but it may have made all the difference in my life. It was more than seeing where you are walking; it’s about emitting an aura of confidence.
Even in my naïve youth I knew I was something great. I wore my hair short and my smile real goofy. I was loud and obnoxious, and unfortunately remain so today. I never know when to close my mouth and have had my foot stuck so far down my throat I could taste dirt. But, none of that matters because I know I am destined for great things. No matter how terribly I embarrass myself in any situation, from interacting with cute boys to saying very controversial things that no sane person would admit, nobody’s opinion really matters except my own. In five years, only a handful of people I know now will actually matter (most of them being family, whom of which have to love me no matter what).
Check out that sassy smile.
My biggest source of confidence was, and remains, my smile. Never an artificial one though, because even if you can’t tell it’s fake, my heart does. I smile with my eyes. I smile with my hands, and I smile with my nose, as silly as that sounds. My entire body smiles, no more than for the mere reason I am alive. So, I live in the moment, and only in the moment. Harping on past situations does no good for the future, and constantly thinking about the scary potential the future holds does no good either. Maybe that’s a flawed way to live, never knowing where I am going or what I am doing… But, I live day-to-day, hour-to-hour, with only my smile to guide the way. I guess I didn’t really give any concrete advice on how to be more confident, but it really all begins with a smile and the rest of your body and mind will follow.