Fall means sweater weather, beautiful shots of Boston Common, trips to Salem, and, of course, the PSL. Now, I love getting a grande PSL with a side of pumpkin bread from AfterHours every once in a while before class. Scoff all you want Dunkin diehards and Pavement hipsters, but I’m that basic and I’ll admit it.
However, like all good things, the pumpkin flavor has been OVEREXPOSED. Pumpkin cream cheese muffins, pumpkin chai tea, and pumpkin butter are all welcome in my pantry. Those things make sense as products and sound like they would taste heavenly. But look at some other pumpkin flavored failures:
1) Pumpkin Spiced KALE CHIPS
Packaged kale chips don’t really actually taste that good. They kind of just make you sad because they aren’t real potato chips. They are also super dry and whenever I eat them I imagine this is what the potpourri in my grandma’s house must taste like. So, in conclusion, adding pumpkin spice probably will just make the situation more dire.
2) Pumpkin Spice Protein Powder
Do you chug this after Yogalates or…?
3) Pumpkin Pie Lasagna
My Italian grandma would call this blasphemy.
4) Pumpkin Spice Tomato Sauce
For the pumpkin pie lasagna of course. More blasphemy.
5) Little Debbie Pumpkin “Delights”
Honestly, these could taste pretty good but they look TERRIFYING.
6) Pumpkin Spiced DOG TREATS
Yes, these really exist. Want to know how I know? My insane mother saw them at Petco and decided to bake homemade ones for my dog because they are “healthier.”
7) Pumpkin Spice Pringles
Please just stick to Sour Cream & Onion and Pizza flavors, Kellogg’s.
8) Pumpkin Pie Pinnacle
Pinnacle anything is awful, so please do not ruin a wonderful Thanksgiving dessert dish with cheap vodka. Also, WHAT would you even mix with this? The website describes the drinks you can make as “decadent, creamy vodka martinis” but I’m thinking *gag*.