It was January of my senior year of high school when my best friend Nick finally asked me out after four years of flirting and sort-of dating. While my first reaction should have been, “Oh my god, did he really just ask me out?” my actual thought was, “Oh my god, I’m moving 200 miles away in 6 months.” I had already committed to a school in New York and Nick was going to school in our home state of Rhode Island. I didn’t want to start something that I knew had to end, but I also didn’t want to miss out on the relationship I had been waiting to happen since I was 13, so I went for it. Nick knew when he asked me to be his girlfriend that I was going to New York, and he knew how much it meant to me, but he was willing to start the relationship in spite of that.
As the time to leave got closer, we discussed what we were going to actually do about moving so far apart – all I’d ever heard was that long distance relationships don’t work, no matter how hard you try. We had both heard from our friends and family that we should date other people and see what else is out there, and a bunch of other parent-y advice that neither of us wanted to hear; we decided not to listen. We knew this wasn’t a typical high-school relationship, so we weren’t going to treat it like one. He reassured me that we would be fine, but I have to admit I wasn’t so sure…
When we first went off to school, it was weird. We went from seeing each other almost every day to not
seeing each other for a month at a time. We tried to schedule times to talk to each other via Skype, phone, and texting, but things always came up, so that didn’t work out. Finally, we figured out the best plan was to not have a plan. We would text each other whenever we had a chance, and we made it a point to at least call each other and say goodnight before we fell asleep. If we had the time to Skype we would, but if not, we didn’t make a huge deal about it. Nick and I also decided that if this was going to work, we had to be mature about the situation, and the most mature thing to do was to not hold each other back. I refused to be that girl in college who didn’t interact with other boys because I had a boyfriend back home. I talked to guys and Nick talked to girls, and we trusted each other enough to know that it didn’t go any further than that. I refused to be that needy girl who texted her boyfriend all night asking him a million questions like: “where are you?” “who are you with?” “what are you doing?” “what time will you be home?”. And girls, if you act like this, stop. I promise, you sound like his mom, and he does not want to think of his girlfriend as a motherly figure…
He came up to visit me at least twice a semester, and I got to see him every time I went home. Junior year, when I transferred to Northeastern, it got a lot easier being closer. I didn’t transfer to be closer to him, but it was definitely a plus. At this age, sometimes you need to be selfish and think about yourself first. Right now, I have to focus on what’s best for me and my future, and Nick has to focus on what’s best for his. I’ll never forget before we moved away, his mom told us both that we have to grow individually and worry about ourselves and also trust that we will still grow together.
I’m not going to act like we played it out perfectly. At first, we fought a lot, argued and talked in circles. There were times when we got so frustrated we just wanted to cry, but we knew that our relationship was worth fighting for. I’m not trying to sound cheesy, and this is so not a Nicholas Sparks love story, but it’s true. If you love someone, you fight for them no matter what it takes; you don’t give up. When there have been times of doubt, we remind each other of how important it is to communicate with each other. I’ve told him that if he wants to see other girls that it’s fine, but he needs to tell me first. I know what you’re thinking – I’m crazy and I clearly must not be in love with him if I say that, but the truth is it’s because I love him that I say that. I don’t want him to resent me because he never got the chance to date anyone else.
Long distance relationships are far from easy, and you need to be 200% committed, but it is possible to make them work. I’m sick of hearing people say that it doesn’t work and that I’m holding myself back by dating one person all four years of college. If neither of us have a desire to date someone else, why ruin a perfectly good thing? It’s about to be 3 years since we’ve been together, and although we’ve gone through a lot, it’s helped us to mature not only as a couple but as individuals as well. It’s true that distance does make the heart grow fonder. If you and your significant other are thinking about trying out this long distance thing, don’t dismiss the idea because it’s too hard. I’ve put together a few do’s and don’ts of LDRs and some tips to help you through it:
- Trust each other, trust each other, and trust each other some more. This is so important. If you don’t completely trust each other then save yourself the trouble and back out now.
- Communicate. This person is supposed to be the one who you can confide in, so don’t be afraid to hold back any of your doubts or concerns about your relationship because you’re scared of what the outcome will be.
- Give yourself some space. While texting each other 24/7 might seem adorable, you will get aggravated with the other person really fast. Being glued to your phone all day isn’t ideal, plus when you talk to each other later, you’ll have lots of stories to tell about your day!
- Support each other. This sounds so lame, but remind each other every day that you’re still putting all of yourself into your relationship and not giving up.
- Pick your battles. Arguing is difficult enough as it is, never mind when you’re 300 miles apart. Don’t sweat the small stuff and argue over things like how he didn’t call you promptly at 9:30 like he promised he would.
- Do something fun to feel like you’re together. Find ways to be together even when you’re apart. Download an interactive app like Words with Friends or Draw Something and play a game together. Nick and I have movie nights where we’ll Skype, make some popcorn, and watch the same movie together.
- Make the best of your time when you are together. My favorite part about being away is the anticipation of seeing each other. Cherish the time you have together and make it count.
Whether you’ve just moved away from your boyfriend or it’s something you’re considering, hopefully my story will help you see that if you’re in love, you don’t have to throw it all away! Take a chance and I promise you won’t regret it!