If you had asked me a year ago if I would try to continue a long distance relationship after I moved away to college, I would have laughed in your face. I always thought of myself as a strong, independent woman who would leave her adolescent self behind and start a new life in college. Little did I know I would get the chance to do both.
We’ve all heard the negatives about having a long distance relationship, because that’s really all you can find. You will hardly ever see someone sharing their success stories or the advantages of being in one. I really want to change that because I think it is so important for everyone out there to know that it is possible and you can be happy and thrive in college even if your special someone is a thousand miles away.
My boyfriend and I started dating almost exactly a year before I left for college. Like I said, I didn’t expect to be in this situation, but I guess no one ever does. Ever since I was little I always dreamed of going away to a big city (or at least one bigger than Kansas City, which is where I’m from) for college. I did my best in school to make it happen and ended up applying to nine different universities from New York to Los Angeles… and then I met Steve. I had never really dated anyone for more than a couple months at a time, I would always get bored and uninterested after a while. I actually thought something was wrong with me, like, did I only want a guy when I wasn’t tied down to him? It sounds completely cheesy, but I just hadn’t found the right person yet.
I happened to find the right person at the most inconvenient time. I was set on going to New York City, which was 1,200 miles away from home. I had written my essays, filled out the common app, all I needed to do was press submit. Now, I was never the type of girl to let a guy get in the way of my dreams, so letting go of New York City was not an option for me. I just had to find a way to have both. I talked to my friends, my family, and read a number of blogs that had to do with keeping a long distance relationship, but all of them came to the same conclusion: you can’t. I’m a stubborn person, so I did not take no for an answer. I just had to figure it out on my own.
A year and a half later, I’m almost finished with my first semester of college and our relationship is stronger than ever. Over the past few months that I have been away, I’ve learned that there is one key thing that has kept us going: communication. It sounds cliche, yes, but let me tell you it is a cliche for a reason. It works. If you are in the same situation as I was, please read on. It will be hard at first, I won’t lie, but it is the best thing for you both. My advice is this: tell them about your day, tell them your struggles and successes and don’t be afraid to share the hard stuff. It is ok to be sad and it is normal to miss them, but let them know because they are probably feeling the exact same way. But don’t just communicate through text. Facetime them a lot! Get your homework done early so you can chat, because there is something about seeing their face that will make your night so much better. Call them when something great happens or when you want to talk to someone about the fight with your roommate you just had. Any communication is a positive thing. Just for example, my boyfriend and I have a thread of instagram DMs of just cute videos of animals that we use to make each other smile. The simple things do matter, because it doesn’t always have to be deep, heartfelt conversations. Communication in any form will make you closer and will help you both feel as though there isn’t any distance at all.
Keeping each other informed and in the loop will give you both a sense of comfort and stability. If you just do the bare minimum and send a “Goodnight, I love you” text once a day, then you might grow apart. Growing apart isn’t always a bad thing if it’s meant to be that way, but if you really care about the other person, communication is the number one way to keep the relationship alive. So, there is hope! For all of you who want to live your college dream and still be with the one you love, I’m here to tell you that it is possible to have the best of both worlds.
Steve and I on our one year anniversary: