In middle school I had two life goals: to marry Lance Bass and to star on MTV’s The Real World. Given that People magazine ruthlessly crushed my first dream in the unforgettable “Lance Bass: I’m Gay” issue in July 2006, I have no choice but to pursue the latter.
As I’ve continued to grow up and transition from an awkward, boy band-obsessed adolescent into a (hopefully) more graceful young woman, one thing has remained the same. I am continually told that I need my own reality show. Quite frankly, I agree. So MTV and E! producers, listen up. Here are 10 reasons why I can make you a lot more money and appeal to twice as many viewers as Snooki or Kim K. can. Cast me.
1. Name Game – Katie Lally, K. Lal, Rally Lally. Whatever you want to call me, it’s going to be catchy.
Everyone knows part of what catapulted Jersey Shore to the forefront of our attention was all of the unforgettable nicknames. Well I can play that card, too.
2. Abbrevs – I like totes speak in them twenty-four-sev. It’s supes fun and redic easy to learn. It would def catch on like wildfire. More popular that Tila Tequila’s infamous “Hey, Girl, Hey”? Probs.
3. M&C – Although it is one of America’s all-time favorite comfort foods, macaroni and cheese nauseates me quicker than you can say, “Kraft.” I can just imagine the slew of roommate pranks that would ensue should I ever be cast on The Real World.
4. Grand Caravan – I drive a minivan. I’m not a soccer mom, but I’m not ashamed. The Grand Caravan is great for road trips with my girls, and it would be even more popular than Xzibit’s best makeover from Pimp My Ride. And I don’t even have any cool gadgets in the trunk.
5. Bad Habit – As a product of Catholic schools and single-sex education, I think I could make a mean episode of True Life: I Was a Catholic School Girl. What is it like to wear the exact same outfit every day of your life for 13 years? I’d be happy to talk about it.
6. Voice of an Angel – People tell me I have the voice of an angel – in my dreams, that is. In reality I am without question the most tone-deaf person to ever walk the planet. William Hung from American Idol, watch out. I could easily steal your monotone spotlight.
7. The Thizzle – Mac Dre’s epic dance song was all the rage in my Kansas City, Mo., high school, and I’m still kind of obsessed. Don’t know how to do it? Cast me on Dancing with the Stars or So You Think You Can Dance, and I could teach the world.
8. Awk Sitch – I have an uncanny knack for getting myself in the most random and awkward situations known to mankind. Don’t believe me? Candid Camera would surely be able to capture me getting pulled into a rap battle on the streets of Greektown (yes, this has happened) or something of equal entertainment value.
9. Slow Roll It – For a girl from the epitome of Suburbia USA (Overland Park, Kansas, to be exact), I listen to more slow jams than anyone else you have ever met. Boys II Men, Maxwell, Al Green and Anita Baker are just a few of my favorites. For the Love of Ray J would never be the same.
10. I Love You – I legitimately like everyone I meet. I think my easygoing personality would make me an interesting contrast to the Type-A personalities reality shows typically cast. Just think how crazy The Bachelor would get if I became besties with the fellow lady competitors. Total Lally move.