This semester there have already been quite a few proposals that have taken place on campus. With wedding bells ringing for some in the future, HC Miami had two of our freshman writers weigh in on whether they think college is too young to make a lifelong commitment or not.
Marriage in College: All for it!
Whenever you hear of anyone college-aged getting engaged, a typical reaction ranges from:
“What are they thinking?”, “They’re too young!”, “It’ll never last.”, “Who gets married at 20 anymore?”
Sometimes it seems I’m the only one who doesn’t think it’s such a big deal. In case you’re wondering why, here’s the full disclosure:
My parents got married in college, my mom was nineteen and my dad 21. I won’t share how long ago that was (for their sake!), but it’s been a long time and they’re still happily married. It’ll never last, huh? Three of my uncles also married young. Two are still happily married, and one is widowed (but was happily married until the day my aunt died). Granted, they got married many years ago, but has the nature of college students changed that much over the years?
The bottom line is, sometimes getting engaged and/or married in college does work out. In my opinion, age does not make or break an engagement or marriage. Maturity does. And yes, some young people aren’t mature enough to make it work, but some are. Marriage takes a lot of hard work, people! Sometimes life throws you a curveball, and it may be a big old curveball that hits you right in the eye. In those moments, it’s important to communicate and work through these issues together as a couple.
Remember, marriage is a commitment. When you’re crazy about someone, it can sound good in theory. But when you get married, you’re pledging to be with that person and only that person for the rest of your life. That’s a long time! Don’t marry anyone if you aren’t absolutely sure you want to commit to this person for life and just because it sounds lovely and romantic.
Just because you marry someone doesn’t mean you can, or should, spend every waking moment of the day with them. Many people say that you should wait to get married until you “find yourself” and “learn to become independent.” But the thing is, not everybody does those things at the same rate. Some young people are remarkably independent and self-aware. But it’s a good idea not to commit to
someone else until you’re comfortable with yourself (whenever that is).
Think about your goals. Do you want to start a career? Do you want to travel? Do you want to live it up and enjoy your twenties? And can you do these things if you are married? Nobody’s saying you can’t, as long as both parties of the
couple are supportive of each other in this.
Speaking of careers, you should probably be financially stable before getting
married. Rings, weddings, and gowns cost money. So do houses, cars, utility bills, and children, should you decide to have them.
While on the subject of children, being married is one thing; taking care of a little one is quite another. Children are AWESOME, but they come with a lot of financial and emotional needs. If you do get married young, it’s probably a good idea to wait a while to have kids, until you’re financially and emotionally ready. Also, be sure you’re on the same page as far as kids. Do you want them? How many? When? Do you want to adopt or have biological children? How will you raise them? Kids are a big, life-altering issue. If you don’t agree with each other on these questions, getting married might not be such a good idea.
Of course, just because you’re engaged doesn’t mean you’re getting married tomorrow. If you are absolutely sure, you can always get engaged but not marry for a while. This way, you still have time to ask those important questions and make sure this is the right step in your relationship which I would highly recommend considering, but it’s up to you.
In the end, I don’t think there’s a right or wrong age to get engaged and married. It all depends on the people involved, and whether they can handle the challenges engagement and marriage bring, as well as the challenges life brings. If you’re ready for all the conditions I listed above, I say go for it, and congratulations!
Marriage in college: It can wait.
If you like it, then you should wait to put a ring on it.
Since I was little I have dreamed of going to college to get a degree and be the first woman something. But upon entering college, I have found that while some women want a degree in engineering, teaching, or communications; others just want their MRS. degree, or in other words they want a husband. In my six weeks of being at Miami, I have met many girls whose undergraduate main goal is to leave campus with a husband.
College is a time of new explorations and discoveries. College is an extremely unique time in your life where you are not only learning in the classroom, but you are also figuring out who you are as an individual. Today, more and more college students are getting engaged. So how can this learning be done when you are attached to another person? College is a time to discover who you are, not who you belong with.
When entering college, most everyone’s first thought is “freedom.” You finally get to have that freedom to be whomever you want, do whatever you want, whenever you want. But this freedom is hindered when you enter a serious long-term relationship with an individual at such a young age. It’s okay to have boyfriends in college, and maybe you will find that one person that you want to spend the rest of your life with. But if it’s really worth it and is meant to be, the engagement can wait until you are out of college and settled into the real world.
Every girl has a list of all the important qualities they want in a spouse or partner. Whether this is conscious or subconscious, “the list” has been made since we were little girls. So when we meet a man that hits every point on that list, we automatically think and hope he’s “the one”. Just because a man matches up with a fictional list you made up when you were five doesn’t mean he’s who you really want.
Take it from me ladies: he might not be what you expected. Who we are in college is not who we will be in twenty years. So take your time and make sure that this guy who is almost too good to be true is the one you can see yourself with in twenty years.