I was someone who got back with their ex after the relationship ended, and because of it, I will never do it again. The first time we were in a relationship, it was great and ended for reasons that were not necessarily bad. We rekindled it, but the communication sucked just as much as it did the first time, and I soon found myself alone with more trust issues than ever before. About a year later, he hit me up, allowing for that rekindling once again, but this time I knew it would not be beneficial.
I was planning on making a list of pros and cons of getting back with ex’s, but from personal experience, I don’t see any pros. Therefore, following is a list of the negatives that come with getting back together with your ex.
1.) It isn’t going to be the same
You already know each other pretty well and can skip the whole “getting to know you” stage, but skipping this stage can allow for a fast paced relationship. The reason you two broke up can be glazed over and never talked about but always at the back of your mind not fully allowing you to move on.
2.) It isn’t going to be different
If the communication sucked the first time around, the communication is most likely going to suck the second time. Communication is vital in a relationship, and if it isn’t there, it’s impossible to move past into a more mature one. If they cheated, the likelihood of them cheating again is higher. A study (https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-1018-1) done by the journal “Archives of Sexual Behavior” found that those who cheated in their first relationships were three times more likely to cheat again. Not only did they find this, but they also uncovered that if you were cheated on once, you were likely to be cheated on again (twice as likely than those who have never been cheated on).
3.) There is that possibility of being hurt again
You were hurt once already, it’s going to be just as easy to get hurt again. In the time that you two have been apart, you’ve been healing on your own and going back allows for that repair to be destroyed. If you get hurt again, that hole is going to be bigger and harder to fix. Walls will be built up so high that they will almost be impossible to break down.
4.) You aren’t growing
The end of a relationship is a time to reflect on it and yourself. Find the things you liked and did not like. What will you accept in the future and what will be a deal breaker? Going back to something that ended for a reason denies you the opportunity to grow in a positive way.
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Not only does getting back with your ex result in a squashed opportunity for you to grow, but it also denies the both of you a chance to move on with you’re lives. Like I said before, the relationship ended for a reason, and depending on that reason, it may be easier or harder to get back with them. No matter how easy it may seem to just reenter the relationship, it is a backwards movement. Next time the opportunity arises to get back with your ex just chose the option that will move your life forward in a positive manner with positive benefits.