So I have a really bad problem when it comes to eavesdropping. It’s not like I intend to listen in on people’s personal conversations, but sometimes people are really loud and in ear shot of me. Usually, it’s nothing interesting, but sometimes I tune in on some gems. We’ve all walked into a room at the most awkward part of a conversation before, and heard things that seem strange out of context. I put my eavesdropping skills to good use and wrote down the most awkward parts of conversations that I just happened to tune in on, and made assumptions of what I believe they were talking about.
1. “She was like a bucket of no talent”
I heard a girl say this in Murphy hall, the performing arts building, so I’m assuming things were getting catty between performers. What I imagine is that someone stole someone’s boyfriend and now these once good friends hate each other, and whenever either of them perform they feel the need to insult the performance to their “real friends”.
2. “He makes my bowels quiver”
So, this is actually something I heard my professor say while instructing a girl on how to perform her musical number, and the meaning behind the song. I just thought it was really funny.
3. “I don’t even own a penguin costume, none the less know how I got in one!”
This has to be one of my my favorites because there is probably a great story behind it that neither I nor the random person on the bus knows. I can however assume there was probably a lot of alcohol involved and some really funny friends, who thought it would be fun to put their blacked out friend in a penguin costume.
4. “That’s what Leonardo DiCaprio’s wife in Shutter Island said about her children…after she KILLED THEM”
I don’t really want to know, but from my knowledge of the movie Shutter Island the wife drowned their children so that she could treat them like human dolls…so…I’m going to guess she said something like “I want you to be like my doll”, but I have no idea what situation that could come up in. My sister likes to forcibly do my hair and makeup, so it’s probably a situation like that…hopefully.
5. “Her hair looks like puke”
I’m including this one so that the girls walking behind me on Jayhawk Boulevard know that I did hear your conversation about my green hair, and I want you to know that I think I look fabulous and don’t care what you think.
(Give me your opinions on my hair by shooting me a shout out on twitter: @talkalot_360)
I can only do so much eavesdropping on my own, and wanted some extra ears, so I took to Yik Yak:
Here are the best responses that I got:
1. “But they stole the Native American’s land as well…”
2. “…turned out it was semen”
3. “Tell her if you take her to see 50 Shades of Grey she has to pick the plumbs”
4. “‘Hey!’ ‘Hi. Oh my god you’re white!”
…and lastly…
5. “…and then he turned out to be her long lost twin sister and no one knew because he got surgery a couple years ago to switch genders”
Thank you students of KU for being so interesting.