Change is a healthy and necessary part of life, yet periods of transition are some of the most nerve-wrecking times one can experience. Humans are creatures of habit and as soon as things feel comfortable our first instinct is to stay put and continue with our current lifestyle. But if you’re like me and you’re one of the hundreds of incoming freshman students, you’re probably feeling like all aspects of familiarity are crashing around you and pushing you towards your next big life stage of college. Suddenly every relative and neighbor has a piece of advice for you on studying and roommates, a family meal isn’t complete without a discussion on college finances and you’re starting to compare prices on Twin XL bed sheets with your Mom at Target.
As an incoming freshman, I confess that I’m suddenly worrying about things like meal plans and bus routes and I’ve been weighing the pros and cons of bringing a bike to campus. I’ve started debating if I should get a dramatic haircut before I leave home because I’ve always thought I might look great with bangs and maybe now is the time to reinvent my look. I confess that as my summer is ending, each goodbye to my friends and family ends in tears and heartfelt confessions that I wish had been said earlier. Time is acting like an enemy that is working against me and I sometimes wish I could take my favorite familiar faces with me and pack them in my duffel bag on moving day.
I confess that thoughts like these run through my head as I day dream about my future life on campus and I feel about twenty different emotions all at once whenever someone mentions school. I feel a combination of anxiety, excitement, curiosity, humbleness and pride since I’ve made it this far and I can only go where life takes me from here. Although I’d never admit it out loud, I actually love when I get an email or letter in the mail from an orientation leader since it makes me feel like I’m already a part of the student body. When alumni or current students suggest their favorite restaurant or campus activity I make a mental note and promise to try it out for myself. I also confess that I’m confused about the mystery as to what you’re actually supposed to bring with you to class on the first day. Just a notebook? Maybe your computer? I doubt the first day of class is reserved for going over classroom expectations like it was in High School, so are you expected to already have the textbook on the first day? It’s the little questions like this that I keep in the back of my mind that humbles me as I realize I’m just a clueless newbie.
While my mind may be running on an endless track of ‘what if’s,’ the anxieties are counterbalanced by all the excitement. Going to college means no more curfews or confinements of being too young. No more high school pettiness and unnecessary busy work assignments.
I confess that I’ve made a playlist that include tunes that speak of moving forward with audacity and bravery. Anytime I listen to these songs I feel inspired, motivated and fearless. It’s time to take courage and live my own life in the direction chose only by myself. I can play music with new friends, explore new grounds and travel solo to anywhere I choose. I can rid myself of toxic relationships of the past and meet new and incredible people who will help shape the person I am tomorrow. I get to create, learn and absorb a new chapter of life.
I can’t wait to take risks, learn from my mistakes and to immerse myself into the college experience. I want nothing more than to discover a lifestyle that combines compassion with purpose. The possibilities are endless, and it’s this kind of freedom that leaves me giddy and ready to pack up the car and drive to campus without stopping.
With all anxiety comes excitement, all darkness comes light, and all bad comes good. That’s just how it works. Looking forward, I know that I have a lot of great times ahead but there will always be really tough times too. Looking backwards, I feel like a quote by one of my favorite authors, A.A. Milne, sums it all up; “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”.