Halloween is coming up, and you know what that means? Well, besides finding a sexy/hilarious/whatever costume. It’s time to go shopping for candy! With Target and a whole bunch of other stores offering tons of candy at dirt-cheap prices, it might be hard to pick the right kinds of candy. Let’s be real, unless you’re buying candy for yourself, getting the right candy is (figuratively) a matter of life-or-death, especially when you’re giving said candy to a horde of little Elsa’s and Spidermen. So here’s a list of the best (and worst) Halloween candy!
The Worst Candy
1. Tootsie Rolls
Do I really need to say anything about Tootsie Rolls? They’re hard, inedible “candies” that might as well be brown pieces of plastic. Chocolate-flavored candies, my left foot. More like disappointment-flavored candies. And don’t even get me started on the abominations known as flavored Tootsie Rolls.
2. Candy Corn
NO. JUST NO. I’m sorry to anyone who likes candy corn, but no. When I want candy, I want yummy and tasty sugar-y sweetness, not something that reminds me of the food pyramid and how I have to eat 4-5 servings of vegetables a day. The fact that they taste nasty just further cements my hatred for this candy. I like candy, I like corn, but I do not like candy corn.
3. Bit-O-Honey
To all the grandmas and grandpas out there: I love y’all, but you gotta stop putting these nasty things in the Halloween basket. I don’t what the people behind Bit-O-Honey were thinking when they made this candy, because it tastes so freaking awful. I remember bursting into tears after trying my first (and last) Bit-O-Honey. Yes, that actually happened. If candy is capable of making children burst into tears upon eating it, there is something very wrong.
4. Vegetables/raisins/other non-candy items
Okay, it’s not candy, but unfortunately it’s a thing. There is a special place in hell for anyone who gives out vegetables and raisins on Halloween. Seriously, you’re asking for one hell of a TPing if you do this. Just no. For the other 364 days of the year, fine, kids do need to eat healthier. But just for this one day of the year, screw health and dieting, it’s Halloween. If the dentist a few doors down has (albeit sugar-free) candy, so can you.
The Best Candy
1. Kit Kats
Probably the best chocolate candy, especially on Halloween. They’re crispy and chocolate-y, and they actually taste really good. Also, there is something satisfying about breaking apart the Kit Kat strips and then munching them down.
2. Jolly Ranchers
The only fruit-related thing that is acceptable on Halloween. I’m biased towards the blue raspberry flavored ones, but you really can’t go wrong with any of the other flavors. Well, except grape, but no one likes grape.
3. Peanut Butter Cups
Personally, I’m a huge fan of the peanut butter-chocolate combo, so it only makes sense that I really like peanut butter cups. How can you go wrong with tasty chocolate surrounding just-as-tasty peanut butter? It especially makes me happy when I get the Reese’s cups that are shaped like jack o’ lanterns.
4. Lollipops
Okay, so this is kind of similar to Jolly Ranchers, but whatever. The fact is, there’s way more than just four flavors of lollipops. Which is a good and bad thing, I suppose. On one hand, you can get tasty flavors like watermelon, cherry, orange, blue raspberry, and the like. On the other hand, some flavors can be downright nasty. I’m looking at you, chocolate-flavored lollipops. The fact that Tootsie Pops and Blow Pops are a thing makes me happy because, yay, 2-in-1 candy!