A few weeks ago, I was surprised by several of my favorite people on the planet in Harrisburg, PA, almost 400 miles from home. At that point, I was six weeks into my semester in Harrisburg, and I was having an amazing time. Before I saw them, homesickness hadn’t really crossed my mind, but when I saw them, I found myself wanting to cry. Even though I was with them, I cried for about 45 minutes because I suddenly felt the pain of separation from the last six weeks, and I knew that in a few hours, I would say goodbye to them again until December.
I have never really been the type to struggle with homesickness; I went to sleep away camp without tears, and I boarded in high school, so I’ve been living away from home for years. But, this time was different. My Ohio family is such an integral part of my life that it’s hard to be away from them. They know me, and love me, exactly as I am. And I know that new, six-week-old friendships are not going to be the same as friendships with the people who have been with me through it all, but I was really struggling.
Then, something amazing happened. My program in Harrisburg prioritizes vulnerability and community, and during one of our community meetings, I broke down, and let the people around me see my heart. I admitted that I was lonely. I admitted that I was struggling. I admitted that part of me wanted to leave, and I cried in front of everyone.
As soon as I opened up, I started to feel better. Suddenly, the people who I thought could never love me like the people back home, “the ones who knew me,” were there for me, and I felt really loved. My loneliness dried up with the knowledge that I was surrounded by people who really cared about me. It’s not that I haven’t felt sad or missed my Ohio family since then, but as much as I look forward to being reunited with them, I can keep my focus on building a family here.
In light of my recent breakthroughs, here are my best tips to handling homesickness.
Face your feelings
When you’re feeling homesick (or stressed, or experiencing any other negative emotion), it’s easy to try to ignore your feelings. With a busy Kenyon schedule, it’s easy to avoid having time alone, and all of that homework can be a great way to ignore that homesickness that is lingering right below the surface. But, ignoring your feelings does not make them go away, and they will affect your life no matter how much you try to hide them. You can face them now, or you can face them later, which may end up being a really bad time to have strong feelings (trust me, I would know; this is why I’m in Harrisburg in the first place, but that’s an article in itself).
So set aside some time to really dig into your feelings. You can journal, make art, or just go for a walk in the woods and yell at God/the universe/whatever the heck you want to yell at. I’ve done all of the above. As you do that, you’ll even start to discover why you’re feeling so sad.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
When I shared my heart in that family meeting, it was a recognition that I needed people and that I couldn’t deal with my homesickness on my own. By sharing, I made myself vulnerable to my community, and I let them really see me. I didn’t just say, “I feel homesick,” and then shut down. Instead, I put my whole heart on the table: I told them that I felt afraid that I was too weird and too much. I told them that I felt like a failure, and I told them that I needed help. I didn’t hide anything or hold myself back. When I let them in, then they could give me the love that I needed, and reassure me where I had doubts.
While life at Kenyon doesn’t usually have any “family meetings” designed for pouring out your heart, you are not alone, and there are so many opportunities to share your feelings and ask for help. Kenyon has so many great resources: you can talk to your advisor, the counseling center, a Peer Counselor, or your CA.
Be sure to also reach out to your peers: tell your roommate or your friends that you feel homesick. But don’t just share your feelings, share your heart. Tell them why you feel homesick, and don’t be afraid to share how they can help you through it. Give them the chance to love you in your homesickness. The best way to feel less homesick is to feel loved where you are.
Invest in friendships.
Ultimately, the only way that you can get the love and friendship that you need is to take time to build friendships. Everyone needs friends, and everyone wants to feel connected with people, but to do that, you need to make an effort. Especially if you’re a first-year, you may not have many close friendships yet, and that’s okay. It takes time to build close, trust-filled friendships, and you’ve only been here for a few months. But make friendship a priority.
The best way to build close friendships is to be intentional about it. Parties and gossiping about hookups and fifteen people crammed into a Peirce table are fun, but you get out of your relationships what you put into them, so if you want to build deep friendships, you need to do more than just drink with people and sit with them (and ten of their friends) on New Side. Hang out with people one-on-one, and take the time to talk about your struggles and your dreams. Pick a group of four or five, and go on an adventure together. Do it sober so you can connect through more than just the alcohol. Connecting can be hard at first, but don’t worry, it will happen.
Give yourself grace
It’s okay to feel homesick, and you’re not the only one. Call your mom, watch a movie, grab some comfort foods, curl up with your favorite book, and know that what you’re feeling is totally normal. You’re allowed to be sad, you’re allowed to miss home, and college is allowed to be hard. Whether you’re away from home for the first time or the fifteenth, it’s okay for it to be challenging. It may be hard now, but you will get through this. <3
Image Credit: Maggie Griffin