Over the past few days the same video has been popping up on my Facebook newsfeed incessantly. After about three times I decided to watch the short clip all the way through to see what all the fuss was about. If you haven’t seen the video you can watch it here. The video, which has over 30,000,000 views, relays the story of a man who tells a little white lie to his wife after she burns his dinner. According to the story, the wife had experienced a rough day at work and as she made her husband toast for dinner she burned it, but still gave it to him to eat. Instead of complaining about the burnt toast, the husband exclaims, “Darling, I love burnt toast!” and proceeds to eat it happily. Later that night, as the husband is putting his young son to sleep, the little boy asks his father if he really likes burnt toast. The father replies that, “burnt toast won’t hurt anybody, but words can be very painful” and that mother had a difficult day.
At first glance, this story comes off as a heartwarming tale about a husband’s appreciation for his wife and for this reason people keep sharing the video with little heart emojis. However, in reality, this is just a story about traditional gender roles that perpetuates the idea that all wives and mothers should be able to work during the day while also maintaining a perfect domestic sphere.
The most obvious question to ask in this scenario is why the husband didn’t just make his own toast if he knew his wife had had a long day? Why does he feel entitled to chatting with his son while his wife makes him dinner? And for that matter why does he feel entitled to having his meal delivered directly to his seat? I seriously doubt that the husband lacks the culinary expertise required to pop some bread in the toaster, and yet the wife completes the domestic task and all the while he thinks he is doing her a favor by not complaining. Additionally, the wife even apologizes for the burnt toast. What exactly is she apologizing for? Her husband’s inability to realize when he needs to step up and forget about the fact the society says a woman should always put dinner on the table? At one point the father even says, “life is full of perfect things and faulty people” and that you just have to accept those faults to have a healthy marriage, as if the wife’s inability to put a delicious dinner on the table is some kind of huge fault in her character. I agree that relationships require sacrifice and acceptance of each other’s flaws, but I do not think that one burnt piece of toast is indicative of a true fault.
I cannot pretend to know everything about this couple’s relationship or circumstances, but I can say that this video does not demonstrate the idealized version of a marriage that the people posting it seem to think it does.