Long distance relationships are far from easy. Most people would argue that it is simply not worth the trouble and heartache. Much of the focus on LDRs is negative. Our society likes to say that it is too much work, that you shouldn’t trust the person you’re with, and that it is too difficult to not be able to see the one you love whenever you want. Having long distance play a large role in my relationship has shown me why it is such a beautiful thing. However, my relationship is not wholly long-distance, so I’m able to see both sides of the argument.
1. You can discover yourself outside of the relationship.
Spending time by myself helped me to understand the difference between myself in a relationship and myself isolated. This doesn’t mean that you are a different person inside a relationship than outside of one, but it just means that you have time to figure out what you can do for yourself. When my boyfriend is around, I ask him to do a number of things for me. We go to dinners, concerts, and everything in between. When I was by myself for the summer, I had to, in a sense, date myself. I needed to treat myself and understand what makes me feel good when I am alone. I would explore the city and find new coffee shops and boutiques. I began to fall in love with photography. It was good to venture off by myself so that I could have time for self-reflection. Once I became comfortable being alone while I was in a relationship, seeing my boyfriend again made things so much easier. I was much more confident in myself and I could stop depending on him for arbitrary needs. We began to have fun and connect on a whole new level.
2. You have to learn to blindly trust the other person.
I won’t lie to you; in the past I have not been the most secure girlfriend. I often found myself assuming that my boyfriend was doing something with another girl. I used to sometimes feel the need to know where he was or whom he was with. This wasn’t to control him, but more to control my own emotions. When we spent so much time away from each other this changed; I had to trust the things he was telling me and I knew that I couldn’t do anything else.
3. Spending time with that person becomes much more valuable.
When you are always exposed to the person you are in a relationship with, you begin to take the little things for granted. You get mad about silly things and don’t always spend your time in a meaningful way. Spending time away from the person you are in a relationship with gives you a sense of belonging when you are back together. It teaches you to make the best of every moment together and to not treat the other person as if you won’t ever miss them.
4. Fight less, love more.
You don’t want to spend all of your time fighting. In an LDR, you begin to let those little selfish thoughts go. It is much better to spend the limited time you have to communicate talking on the phone, Facetiming, texting, and commenting on each other’s photos by saying nice things to each other. You realize that fighting is a complete waste of time.
5. You get time to spend with other people.
I know that I am one of those people that tends to shut my friends out when my boyfriend is around. I like to go adventure with him and then tell my friends all about it later. When you are away from your significant other you get the opportunity to create memories with your friends. This is so important. It is good to have friends that you can spend time with and depend on.
6. You get a chance to know what missing someone is like.
Though it is a heavy, strenuous, emotional process to miss someone for extended periods of time, it is so beneficial for your relationship. I struggle when I feel that I miss my boyfriend after not seeing him for a weekend. You should never feel distraught during a few days without your significant other. Though it might suck without them, it is not the end of the world. Sometimes it takes an extended period of time away from someone to learn to appreciate your time with him or her more. It is so hard to love someone from afar, but it really does make a difference and helps when you have to take little vacations away from each other.
7. You understand the other person better.
You and your significant other are both going through the exact same thing. You are trying to find things to do by yourself, working alone, and sleeping partner-less. Over time, you will better understand what your S.O. is feeling and going through.
8. You get a much needed perspective shift.
You don’t need your S.O to live. They are wonderful, funny, supportive, but you don’t need them to survive. In an LDR, you begin to learn to bear through things on your own. I remember how scary it was to have surgery this summer without my boyfriend. I begged him to fly to Minnesota to see me. I cried on the phone about how scared I was that something would go wrong and that I just needed him by my side. He wasn’t able to make the trip and I figured out that I could go through with the surgery without him travelling to see me. It’s all about breaking bad habits. When you are apart from each other, you find that you are much stronger when facing a difficult situation alone. This will eventually bring two very strong individuals together for the future.
9. You have better conversations.
You can finally have in-depth conversations about how your day went because neither of you know what the other person did that day. You become increasingly interested in their views and experiences.
10. You rely less on physical love.
You begin to focus on their personality and what they say rather than having hugs and kisses distract you. Sometimes, relationships become fuzzy and disoriented by the amount of time we spending loving on one another. Distance allows for a connection on an emotional level rather than a physical level.
So if you are deciding whether or not to enter a long distance relationship or are currently in one, know that there are positives to this type of relationship. But remember, always do what is right for you and will make you happy.